Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML
Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML
Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML
Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
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Top comments
EllieB123 5
Wow, what a bitch! :/
mrahhhhh 21
Tell her "I don't mind, I'm ******* 2 other girls."
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Comments (411)
gpboi123 0
haha dude that sucks
squishy01 0
She made short work of his relationship.
Idonebeenhad 17
She probably gets more pleasure from fingering herself than when you have sex with her.
liquidfireKAN 0
I hope you broke up with her..
Hide_Yo_Kids 0
^what good will that do? obviously he sit gnna get much if he's that much a disappointment..at least she stuck around with you for a while OP
Hide_Yo_Kids 0
*ain't
xxwafflez 0
I hope OP doesn't have any IRL friends here.....
stilldrunk88 6
Get the toys out
ILoveEmoes 9
Don't be a jerk -.-
dcam13 19
yay! how considerate of you:)
titantacochop 0
you should chop her so hard in the taco she never gets tight again and dump her
Macromartyr 3
That's what pylons are for
littlemissFYL 5
this is only an FML if your stupid enough to stay with her bro.
tweetbaby14 18
YDI for not buying the penis salve, baddy.
Lac2501 2
#7...I see what you did there.
Melvar_10 3
More space! for me! let's go to space!!
whitesox365 0
153, while thats true, you go faster in a speedboat then you do in a canoe
LaughterofCorn 4
One more portal 2 reference from you and you're out of here!
angelpies 0
a girl can only take so many inches anyways.. big penises aren't worth a girls time and pain.. I don't understand why guys always wanna have the "bigger penis".
MissFukMyLuck 0
153- I'm happy to think there are people out there that TRULY believe that, but tell me what you think when you start having sex.
chasewknight 0
fist that bitch!
canttouchthis90 0
good one
Grimmerie 31
i have decided to thumbs down everything notfunnii says until she can spell the word "and".
naughtia 14
time to answer those penis enlargement junk emails!
docscientist 10
I'm not sure why a girl would want you to go as fast like a speedboat when rowing a canoe takes coordination and rhythm.
Yung23 0
wow your beautiful
Slhruman 4
Bet he is a white boy, lol. Never heard this one for a brother
lunargh 7
198 - It depends on the guy I'm sure, but if a big-dicked guy thinks his endowment is a sure ticket to good sex, then he's not gonna bother with technique, is he? There's a whole lot more to sex than inserting tab A into slot B. There's only so much you can do with a pinky finger but within normal ranges, size is not important.
jordanp17 3
34 if that's actually you in your picture, you're a babe. that is all
b70valkyrie 0
bullets are faster than both!
knightsfb 0
303 why would you stick a bullet in there?
daaanielle14 0
dump her!!
theUBERcomment 1
@157 Ahh, but a canoe is longer than a speedboat. just not girthier.
usbaby24 3
tell her u dont care shes lacking in the beauty department cuz that means u can still show ur appreciation to ur next gf
pandabearsmiles 0
67- Holy sex. Your profile pic? Success.
EllieB123 5
Wow, what a bitch! :/
xk75 4
eh the op is probably one of those guys who says things like "are you sure you can HANDLE THIS?" and his gf got tired of just nodding politely while smirking inside.
nmp1026 0
what's op???!?!
SchiTzenGiglez 0
Oversized Penis tehe
DjeePee 25
Wow, 9 changed my opinion on this subject. First I wanted to post "She deserves to be your ex" or something like that, because she's a real bitch. FHL. But, it could be that OP always act like a true monstercockmacho and that she was tired of his bullcrap and made a mean comment. In that case, it could be a YDI. That being said, it still is an incredibly mean thing to say. It's not only a personal attack on OP's physics and on the sexual pleasure, it also implies their relationship will not last.
alaaparis 4
original poster
puddy_fml 0
I thought what she said was hilarious and heart- warmingly honest. I'm still lmao about it right now.
MissBrainDamage 0
OP you should start learning to pleasure her or someone else (if you break up with her) with your tongue or fingers (or sex toys?) so this way you won't have the same problem in your next relationship. That aside - Hahahahaha!
iRiS890 5
If she were a *ho and spent a leisurely afternoon on the corner I doubt she would be worried about still being tight after kicking OP to the curb.
ckyorelse 18
yeah 53 I would hate it if someone attacked my physics
livin_plur 0
#9s got a point
ImThePope 2
I like the way you think #9, I know I joke around like that a lot, but everyone should know when to stop. So yes, if OP over did it, then he really deserved this. On top of that she could have been in a really bad mood and wanted a proper ******, and he gave her no foreplay. That would suck and make her really mad and then more than likely cause her to go off on his dick size.. hah, now I don't feel so bad for OP... even though it always hurts a little inside when a girl you get in bed with says you have a small dick haha
Quagmire_ladies 9
lmao nice !
DARPAchief 0
OR he's a guy who was born with an unfortunate penis size and she's a *****. Stop theorizing based on information that's not there.
number1beaner 0
2 inches of mayhem and fury. Hey op just tear up the sides, and tell your girlfriend it's small but flavorful hahaha
monkeywrench1 10
OP=Original Poster
xk75 4
169 - we're all theorizing, including you. you theorize that the op is a decent guy who did not deserve to have his ego shredded by this "*****." you theorized that the gf could not possibly have a reason to say what she said. In my theory, it is the gf, not the op, who gets the benefit of the doubt. I theorize that she would not say such a mean thing without provocation. I theorize that the op was in dire need of an attitude adjustment.
DynamicDave 11
So why didn't someone call John Cena?
arttyruiz 7
wow, what a hoe
crxb16 2
Damn dirty hoes. Working the corner is ruining their relationshit*
Mattdawgy 1
what's up u crazy Russian girl
simonsp 4
Original Poster
psullivan 0
monstercockmacho is my new favorite compound word.
dbow29 0
hey msg me cutie :)
MissBrainDamage 0
Why does everyone have to call her a hoe? Sure it was terrible to say but you don't know the situation -OP could have been a major doucher.
jonny95_fml 0
your hot
notstarboard 0
He'd make the op feel like a stud...
fadedflyer16 0
hey:)
Phoenix21 0
yup
Huzzy11 0
ur fit
lilclare 0
well damn.
ImaWiseGuy 5
haha, gotta give it to the op's gf for finding a "little" good out of your "little" problem.....
trixy81 10
haha I see what you did there ;)
ImaWiseGuy 5
haha, well at least somebody did...^
germanottapearl 0
ouch
Yung23 0
uhh lilclaire I'ma have to ask you to remove your pic Lmfao
Newboyz00185 0
Viagra?
RookiePyro 0
Wow, you should pretty much just dump her immediately. Or use her for sex like she's temporarily doing with you
brutalrhino 4
This guy has got it all figured out.
amanna7 0
you all obv can't get that girl in ur pic back an u wanna talk about usen someone for sex don't play around like u kno what that's like k
shaggyfresh 0
289. you ******* faliure. he never said he had sex before. also why jump down his throat? he didnt say anything bad. he said to use her because of the horrible remark she made to OP. so stop being extremely immature and ignorant
pandabearsmiles 0
My add-on to 328's comment: Also, learn to type and spell so that you don't look so god damn incompetent. I hate Grammar Nazis, but REALLY? What the ****, man. What. The ****.
shakadula14 0
whoop that trick and kick her to the curb, the dirty ho!!!
dandawg69 0
Before he does that he should shove the biggest ***** he can (preferably the spiky one from Metalocalypse) into her, thus making her comment invalid.
callofduty4life 0
women are bitches.
CitrusGirl 0
You must be lonely/gay if you really believe that.
ryno2004 1
point and case
erick0619 0
agreed
Idonebeenhad 17
either #12 just looks like a bird, or she did a really shitty job at photoshopping that pic
CitrusGirl 0
If you go around calling women bitches they're not going to want to be with you. It's common sense.
SchiTzenGiglez 0
bitch get in my car
crazedguy 0
looks like you're "short" on the uptake :D
Fx13mz 7
Boooooo!
vistamar 3
dude cmon thats not very nice to say.
TheDeadlyBones 0
dick move dude!!!
franniedottp 8
hehe...
CockRocket 0
Hire someone to give her numerous STD's.
UnknwnClassicGrl 5
well noboby deserves that.
laden_swallow09 35
I know a few people who do.
hiyourcute 0
But wouldn't he get them also...
CockRocket 0
Only if he's dumb enough to keep banging her afterwards. Which he shouldn't do, after hiring said go to do said act, publically humiliate her with giving out pictures of her disfigured genitalia.
hiyourcute 0
Ahh I see, I like the way you think.
croso88 5
you can do that to someone? I need a number for someone that would do that....
littlemissFYL 5
wow, you all must have some ****** up people in your life if you actually wish for someone to get an STD, forreal. you're such a ****.
CockRocket 0
Can you be a bit more respectful to my species, please. Us Cockerel aren't that bad that you need to use us as a bad example.
mynda1250 0
lmfao #16
whitesox365 0
forget the stds wear a spiked condom
Noob30 0
Or inject her with Heroine in her sleep. Perfect solution.
flickyourbic1223 7
181 I believe you mean heroin. And all that might do is take away her caugh and her sex drive. So I've heard.....
MissBrainDamage 0
That's not even funny - it's just straight up ******.
DatWhiteGuy 0
Yeah. I mean I wouldn't do it. But he might.
shsndbrb 4
Forreal I deserve an std
mrahhhhh 21
Tell her "I don't mind, I'm ******* 2 other girls."
briskyourself94 3
*metaphorical like*
6chavez9 1
never fails to get the ladies in bed
boygeorgebaby 0
what a slag, tell her it's just small cause she doesn't really make it get any bigger.
ILoveEmoes 9
Or he could tell her that maybe she's just loose from being a **** :D