Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, my wife had our first child. He's identical to her coworker. FML
Today, after years of trying, I got the wonderful news that my husband is going to be a father. Too bad I’m not the mother. FML
Today, I helped deliver the baby belonging to the woman my husband left me for. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML
Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
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Top comments
TiffyterroriZe 9
Tiger Woods is the father?
squishy01 0
What an ungrateful bastard.
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Comments (280)
itialian_lol 0
Whats your gamertag?
wow0576 2
did you ever think that maybe the baby was a premie so the father was out playing golf without knowing his wife had gone into labor.
MuffyStJacques 0
He might just hate babies, like I do.
oblio 0
at least you're up front about it. that's helpful.
NufSaid 0
damn sorry about the jerk you're with, but my sister also had a baby today to!
honeybunches88 5
Redundant.
chevylove22 0
you should have called and told him the babies name is " i want a divorce" and see if he got the hint
richard121212 0
hey fucktard maybe it's a different time.
akginger9 0
haha my dad wasn't there when I was born either... dont worry your daughter now has rights to make him feel terrible about it on ever birthday :) haha
jordanprodigy023 0
That's balsy of him
RuskiManBearPig 4
congradulations!!!!!!!! u married a tool
Noob30 0
Now you know what to name the kid...