Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband planned a surprise party. He would pretend to forget my birthday, I'd leave in a rage and go to my best friend's house, where the surprise party would be. It would have been a great plan had I gone to her house and not my side dick's apartment. Now I'm totally fucked. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML
Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I ran into my husband and his mistress. He was picking her up at the airport. I was catching a flight to a conference with my boss. He had flowers for her, and his arm around her. My boss knows my husband as well. FML
Today, I caught my soon to be husband screwing our wedding planner. FML
Today, I found out the girl my husband's been calling "Sister" isn't actually his sister, but instead a hooker whose work name is "Sister". FML
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Top comments
MCRaddict15 15
What a douche. He was more than lucky to have someone as compassionate as you. Oh well, his loss.
dude1122332 9
I think you have another surprise for him right? Like some papers..
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Comments (168)
corleon198425 22
Ahahahahahhahahahahhaha!!!!!!' bahahahahajah Ahahahahahhahahahahhaha I pissed myself
fukmefreddy 4
now why you think you take a hoe to a hoe-tel. hoe tell everybody, even the mayor, reach up in the sky, touch the hoe-zone layer
AznSamoan52 10
Perfect time I say divorce his ass.
ganjaone 2
Guess the next step is divorce...knew marriage was a bad idea..lol
kalbrek009 20
I would have happy belated birthdayed his cheating ass with divorce papers...what a sack of crap.
lollipoplolo 8
Whats a hooker?
malfanese 6
I'd imagine a scary gentlemen in a tattered old trench coat- possibly with a gimp leg and a limp. He has a snarl to his scarred face and a hook to his left stub of a hand.
perdix 31
#72, please refer to yesterday's eyepatch story. Noor expounded eloquently on the difference between hookers and fingerers. It was enlightening.
nico16_fml 6
Well sorry but it's better off then 2 hookers :)
vbmg152 19
You meant ex -husband, didn't you?