Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband planned a surprise party. He would pretend to forget my birthday, I'd leave in a rage and go to my best friend's house, where the surprise party would be. It would have been a great plan had I gone to her house and not my side dick's apartment. Now I'm totally fucked. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML
Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I ran into my husband and his mistress. He was picking her up at the airport. I was catching a flight to a conference with my boss. He had flowers for her, and his arm around her. My boss knows my husband as well. FML
Today, I caught my soon to be husband screwing our wedding planner. FML
Today, I found out the girl my husband's been calling "Sister" isn't actually his sister, but instead a hooker whose work name is "Sister". FML
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Top comments
MCRaddict15 15
What a douche. He was more than lucky to have someone as compassionate as you. Oh well, his loss.
dude1122332 9
I think you have another surprise for him right? Like some papers..
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Comments (168)
fleurie 6
No words. Just hugs. I cannot even imagine how painful that must be.
ultraviolet158 5
One word . "DAAAMN."
TheOneSM 6
Do NOT divorce him... First an eye for an eye.. Get yourself a hooker every weekend, and let him know about it... Then he will realize his performance was WEAK... :D
rivaraven 35
Haha, I know that might be weird, but I actually agree...
l23VIVE 17
I thought of General Thomas Hooker, Civil War veteran and where the term Hooker originated from
IdleGear 0
That poor hooker must of felt awkward! Look at the bright side you know what to get him next year for his bday!
LadyScorpian 1
Some men are dirty dogs!!!!!!!
xmaximusx 12
Wanna hookup?
perdix 31
#133, you are exactly right. Noor and I were just joking about the prostitute with a metal hand prosthesis. You have the correct historical origin of the term, but it wouldn't have fit in with the eyepatch story ;) Arrrrgh!
perdix 31
Coincidentally, the hooker was also away on a business trip. Maybe you working gals can get together and compare notes.
amifaiyaz 12
Wow, what a douche... maybe surprise him him with some more occasion-appropriate gifts, like divorce papers?