Today, after reading about seduction techniques, I wore shades and a brightly colored shirt to a club to attract female attention. However, the sunglasses rendered me almost blind, and I tripped over a step, crashed into tables, and thanks to the shirt, everyone saw it happen in glorious technicolor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was wearing my new sunglasses while watching a basketball game. A pretty hot looking girl was sitting a few spots next to me so I stared at her breasts. A few minutes later, I looked up at her face and she was looking at me in disgust. It turns out that my sunglasses were see through. FML
Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML
Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time I accidentally flashed my volleyball team at a pool party. While trying to demonstrate how it happened, I accidentally pulled my dress down and flashed everyone again. FML
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML
Today, while out shopping, a middle aged man snatched my sunglasses off my face, threw them off the ground, and stomped on them, saying, "That’s what you get for trying to look cool, asshole!" I suffer from light-induced migraines. FML
Today, I went out to a club, hoping to score. I'd read about a trick pickup artists use called "negging" and decided to try it out. As I finished complimenting a girl for being brave enough to have not made much of an effort with her makeup, she slammed her knee between my legs. FML
Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I read all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML
Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML
Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
You sure attracted attention.
perdix 31
Which is why you don't. . . *lowers sunglasses* Crash, thud, thud, "watch out, asshole!," Ouch, oof, tinkle, moan, gasp. wear your sunglasses at night.
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Comments (172)
Freeze_fml 17
You sure attracted attention.
urdirtyolduncle 15
At first, I thought it said, "while reading about abduction techniques."
Freeze_fml 17
Do you want a cookie or something?
fabian21 0
Well, I guess you'll have more luck next fall. Get it? Fall, Autumn? No?
D37H100 5
16, No.
bonnie789 1
Shades in a club?
Gema2dicks 0
This is why I don't watch Jersey Shore. :/
linstar 13
Exactly whose seduction techniques where these? The Todd's?
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Did anybody else read this as "Today, I thought I was a bird, so I put on some really bright colors and went out in search of a mate. When I tried to fly, I came crashing down back to reality. FML"? Just me? Ok, I'll go back to my corner now.
btnhdude 0
Thumbing your comment up, Is like giving yourself a high five.
zombicidal 11
I don't see what people find so great about clubs they're dark crowded They play bad (in my opinion) music really loud And dumb shit like this happens
mr_torch91 1
Sounds like you read a book on how to be a douche.
Jovecove 13
Douche.
swimchica22 0
74- thumbing your comment down is like giving you a kick in the balls.
ohxdamnxkay02 12
the things guys do for attention.. smh,
rottentomatoes 7
Wearing sunglasses inside? Who does that?
GodsLittleMistak 8
109 Whoever wrote that "seduction for dummys" book apparently :)
PopsicleLicker 0
you know who wares shades inside clubs? people on drugs.
babyfireball77 14
Op, is your name "the Situation" ?
da_cookie_monsta 1
Congratulations, you've won the annual award for douchebaggery of the highest degree.
R34luver 5
WARNING: Wearing Dark Shades in a Night Club Gives You the False Impression of Being Cool
kyliebear 15
You should've just been yourself. Would've worked realistically.
Beeftinkle 13
Who the **** told you to wear shades indoors? Sounds to me like you are retarded ;/
SoCalKay 3
YDI, you're trying too hard haha
perdix 31
Which is why Cory Hart was only a one-hit wonder and is much more successful playing baseball for the Milwaukee Brewers.
coltsrock37 15
Zing! Fellow Wisconsinite, let's go Crew!
False_Stupidity 42
He plays baseball?.. I need to get with the times.. *goes back to wearing his sunglasses at night*
ollie179 21
Hey! Look at that sexy beast! *trip* Oh...
frozenshake 5
Lol he was pea-cocking! :D
stronghand0331 17
His sunglasses were ****-blocking! :D
cbdee 8
His shirt was... Well technicolor!!!
hellojazzii 0
the "Oh..." made it perfect. xD
kyliebear 15
Aaand, did you not try on the glasses before you bought them to check for vision ability?
baby610 4
I'm sure op did check, but he was in a club where it's much darker.
Geneside 8
Dont belive everything you read xD
nick347b 6
That's a shady seduction technique.
fthislyfe 22
If those techniques actually worked, no one had to worry about anything in life.
khaya 9
That's what happens when you get seduction techniques off a website with a option for braille.