Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought I heard someone shifting around in my house. I froze in fear and then I heard it again. I thought I was hearing things until I realized that it wasn't an intruder in my home. The shifting noise was my thighs rubbing together when I walked. FML
Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML
Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML
Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML
Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
Today, I was out hiking when I needed to go pee. I thought no one was there because it isn't popular so I pulled down my pants. I heard footsteps so I pulled my pants back up and kept walking. There were people behind me, and one of them came up and said, "Hey, your undies are showing." I was wearing hot pink ones. FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML
Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML
Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
SammySteel 6
It could have been the Slenderman.
alexh15 13
There seems to be some friction in your life...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (61)
hwkfan1 10
Try some looser jeans?
acidkitten 14
won't make any difference if it's the thighs causing them to rub together
hwkfan1 10
Yeah sorry haha. First comment rush got to me :D
acidkitten 14
no worries dude :P
perdix 31
Yay! Someone used the word "looser" correctly!
ebonyirony 29
I think loose fitting jeans might make it worse.
Bluekaren16 19
Lose - the opposite of win. Loose - your mom.
FMLJFL 5
Just lose some weight and stop complaining on FML about it.
SammySteel 6
It could have been the Slenderman.
NiiTeH 7
Honey turn on the lights!
TheArchAngel 8
Thanks for giving me nightmares guys.
coughyochick 7
NO NO MORE. End that man for gods sake!!!
MCRaddict15 15
I scare myself to death over tiny things too, OP. Be glad there wasnt actually someone behind you (:
alexh15 13
There seems to be some friction in your life...
Ecstasyyy 3
Another solution could be less bacon and a bit more jogging. But hey, at least your little stair marathon could be a start :D
pcentral 17
I understand your point, however I beg to differ that anyone should deprive themselves of bacon. Bacon is (and I can't emphasize this enough) perhaps the most amazing thing ever!! If I could no longer have bacon I would cease to care about living. I feel that cake would be a less painful food to give up.
Ecstasyyy 3
I understand your point too, but I only implied to have *less bacon. I also cannot deny my absolutely crazy love for bacon, the greasy god of all meats, in my opinion.
pcentral 17
My mistake, I got distracted by my emotions, imagining a bacon-less world. It was the horror of that thought that overcame me.
irateyou 9
Some people's bodies are just built that way. OP could be a healthy weight.
Ecstasyyy 3
^ That's understandable, but implying that OP posted this FML, it seems like they aren't happy with their weight.
nictransitglory 4
Dunno why everyone is giving 9 such a hard time. I +1 her comment. And as far as it not being implied that OP is bigger, if your thighs are making so much noise you think someone is chasing you, your a big bitch. Those that disagree are lying to themselves and in the same boat as OP. On another note, not eating bacon is the ultimate punishment, try just cutting junk food first :)
Pelvispresley 8
I'm a normal weight and even when I was underweight my jeans rubbed together.
SammyS2012 21
I'm only 100 pounds but I have pretty thick thighs due to genetics. They rub together when I walk. Being overweight has nothing to do with this FML... Actually I think the same thing happened to me... :O
beatlegirl27 20
STFU
acidkitten 14
49- I was considering thumbing up your comment until i got to 'your a big bitch.' not only is it 'you're', you are also implying that being fat is synonymous with 'bitch' And for the record, my thighs do it and I'm a size 6 (US 2 I think...) '
iceman420son 7
Thanks to Canadians you have. Bacon ;) And yes there is nothing in this fml that states this girl is fat I am 167pounds and my jeans still make those crazy noises As u can c from my pic I am not fat
Enslaved 38
Be careful! If they were corduroy jeans, you could start a fire between your legs.:P
angelfishey 3
Fire crotch
yomamaOo 2
Loose weight fattyMCfat
DocBastard 40
Learn the difference between "lose" and "loose", Dumbass McAssface.
acidkitten 14
having your thighs rub together doesn't necessarily mean someone is fat
CombatMayhem 5
Yes it does. If you aren't fat, your thighs do t touch. If they do, get your fat ass on a treadmill.
yomamaOo 2
Shut up this ain't English class
zandalee 20
26- Nope. Negative. Not correct. Your first comment failed.
DocBastard 40
yomamaOo - I can see you're new here, so I'll be nice. No, this isn't English class, asshole. But if you're going to go after some random person on the Internet for possibly being overweight, then I'm going to go after you for being an idiot and not understanding basic grammar and punctuation. See how that works? Intelligent people use mistakes as learning opportunities. Morons use excuses. Which did you use?
perdix 31
#11, there should be a comma after "weight," and it's "Fatty McFat," although I prefer the variant, "Fatty McFatfat." And, yes, this is English class!
TheArchAngel 8
26 - Really? Well my thighs are touching THIS VERY MOMENT as I write this FML. I weigh less than 100 lbs. Now go back to Kindergarden where they teach you many things. Like how to not be an arsehole.
peve3 12
My thighs touch and I'm in good shape. I run two miles every other day and play softball. I just have muscled thighs, which makes them big. Maybe you wrote this because the same thing happened to you, but on you it was fat, so now you're taking it out on other people.
With_Love929 3
66- you're 17 and UNDER 100lbs?! D:
With_Love929 3
Not 66 - @38 i'm sorry, i got confused.
Pelvispresley 8
My thighs rub and I'm 5'6 and 120 lbs... You callin me fat?
pcentral 17
Sounds like someone needs to go to a gym...
motocommradios 6
You think so?
zaynismylove 2
it happens
perdix 31
Scary! I have a fear of thunder, . . . thighs, that is.