Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML
Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML
Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML
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Top comments
bargarlm 2
Well at least you got banged?
Greendaycheese 12
Well at least he's prepared?...
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Comments (109)
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Good man for being ready, bad choice of weapon.
melrose90210 10
I don't think that would help in a zombie outbreak. Tell him to be a real man and get a gun.
melrose90210 10
Haven't you seen dawn of the dead? Only thing that kills a zombie is a bullet through the head.
deadmoron1 1
Or you could crush their skulls with a baseball bat. Way quieter too. Bats don't require ammo and are plentiful enough to be able to find more easily when one breaks.
AznSamoan52 10
He's obviously trying to protect you in case a zombie apocalypse comes. Though, he should've just put his bat somewhere else besides putting it by his bed.
Sumo69 9
Your boyfriends a smart man
zombieboy78 4
I'm glad I'm not the only one with a baseball bat net to my bed
foxholeathiest 4
Your fault for not paying attention
greeneye_fml 12
It could have been worse. I keep a machete by my bed. And I'm female.
jem970 19
Winner
JessieLoren 5
Hey now, he is just being prepared, and at the end of the day if the zombie apocalypse does happen that bat just might save your life!
MoNnEy_MiiTE 3
Well, atleast its only a bat! Some people keep guns
TheyCallMeDamien 18
When the zombie apocalypse comes you'll thank him.