Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML
Today, my fiancé and I finally had the house to ourselves for the night for the first time in MONTHS, and we don't know when we will get a chance like this again. So, he texts his buddy to play zombies. FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML
Today, I was walking to my friend's Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML
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Top comments
abattior 18
Does that mean the only thing stopping him from killing you is law? i really think you should divorce his ass!
pixigem 15
If you have a husband that thinks so negatively of you, you guys should talk. It won't get better by ignoring it, be honest and open about your feelings, don't lie it'll only get worse!
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Comments (105)
DaEpicTaco 13
Wow what a bad husband FYL op.
Vagitarian4life 14
But what a great plan!!!
teyyoshi 19
I wonder what she did to her beloved husband ...
papygeorges 17
Nah come on, he feels Like that and didn't do antthing yet? Sounds Like a regular husband to me!
ordon 14
I'll never understand why it's funny for straight marriages to be considered horrible or a trap, or for the spouses to hate each other.
IAmzephyr 22
Well, that's disturbing. time for a nice long talk
zykrithium 22
That hopefully ends in divorce papers being passed around.
ProximityToDeath 20
Now seems like a reasonable time to panic. Run. Run fast and far.
HarshD9619 34
Agreed. This is really disturbing thought
HarshD9619 34
*is a
Hauclir 14
What did you do for him to have such thoughts?
crazy_loner 25
My thoughts exactly.
chinaski7628 32
I'm hoping it was a joke on the husband's part-- male bonding, complaining about the wife, guy talk. I hope. Still disturbing, but I'm going to hope it's a joke.
Iwannarock1 19
It's probably what she's NOT doing in the bedroom, that is the problem....
Ninjahiga 27
Run. Just run.
rivimatt 20
Now let him overhear you talking about how to cover up murdering your husband.
teyyoshi 19
an eye for an eye ？
JustinJK 21
Makes the whole world blind.
KaidensCrow 18
if he is unstable that could push him over the edge and kill her...
lchollett 22
Tell him that you wish he was a horse so you could break his ankle and shoot him. Or just talk seriously, but really, what's the good in that?
abattior 18
Does that mean the only thing stopping him from killing you is law? i really think you should divorce his ass!
nix1993 41
Or shoot his ass and claim you thought he was a zombie.
I_Like_Dogs 28
This is the most ****** up marriage I've ever seen here.
JustinJK 21
You didn't see my parents marriage...
clair_brodie 35
Pretty sure that the law is what keeps most people from killing people.
sarcasmine 19
Jesus
JesusChrist69 3
yah what's up bro? better not ask for winning lottery tickets again.
Nail7777 16
How about an ark then? Never mind I think I Noah a guy
O_B_A_M_A 15
How about a hot girlfriend then
khoov19 20
WOW, what a great guy!!!!!
KaidensCrow 18
I guess no one understands sarcasm anymore.