Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never wants to sleepover anymore. He said he loves me, but that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to someone reenacting the crucifixion while being mauled to death by squirrels. So much for cuddling through the night. FML
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML
Today, it was my first time sleeping at my boyfriend’s house. I happened to have an incredibly realistic nightmare in which I woke up to thousands of centipedes crawling all over my body. My boyfriend got to watch me scream and slap myself repeatedly. FML
Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
I hope he doesn't twitch in his sleep. Also he's an idiot who will probably end up stabbing himself and you (if you're staying over).
Dimence 9
Just, run.
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Comments (106)
SkoomaKi 28
I hope he doesn't twitch in his sleep. Also he's an idiot who will probably end up stabbing himself and you (if you're staying over).
LaughinStock 16
Imagine if Op's boyfriend does get possessed; the only thing I can think of is the first Exorcist movie. Op: "Babe are you okay?" Boyfriend: "Ahhhh **** ME **** ME **** ME!!"
Darkmagic666 9
That's what I was thinking
Mischief109 11
Yay! Someone else watches Supernatural!!!
xcarxcrashx 9
38 did you think they were producing the show purely for you?
movealongnow 1
Sounds like you won't just be stabbed if you sleep over. I'd avoid that impending disaster altogether.
1PaulyD 9
Sounds like they need to call Ghost Adventures team and let them check it out
1PaulyD 9
Sounds like they need to call Ghost Adventures team and let them check it out
syley 5
17) ... Ok
KommanderKush420 5
83 - More like ghost busters
_Oblivion_ 12
He's a pyscho. Run. Run as fast as you can
lyskiss 10
Run Forrest, run!
maosquare 18
Run, Lola, Run!
license2chill 5
Dump his ass... Not worth the risk
syley 5
Anyone else read op's name? No? Well maybe you should, it'll give you a good laugh
nado13579 12
^ I bet if Kristen Stewart had emotions, she'd be jealous.
wiggleyeah 3
#58 Bitch much????
minisquid 9
I dunno, that knife from the Golden Compass (books, not the movie) could **** a demon up pretty bad...
Alastor13X 8
How the **** is a knife going to protect him from a demon!? **** that noise! Your only excuse for staying would be wanting to get stabbed.
Dimence 9
Just, run.
ShannyAK 16
It's not like I can't happen...
Warden1986 16
Maybe you (I) can't happen, specially when "it" comes to spelling.
Supernovas_Child 13
Well #33, you could probably get a lot better protection from evil spirits, because they're not corporeal beings.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
You can run, but you cannot hide.
BH1126 11
#46- You're stupid.
LigerFan 1
This!
LigerFan 1
Run high, run wild, run free, run like bad food through a mischievous wombat! Just run!
bones_17 5
What a smart man, you never know when there going get yahh,
biggestfan23 11
It's not a bad idea to end it. He sounds crazy
bones_17 5
I'm just lucky Enough that my dark spirits give me a months notice before they attack me, plus I think they are just a bit slow, one gets pushed around in a wheel chair, while the other one has a limp wrist, and mumbles.
yuzuhere 21
"I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha one way, or another..."
mbusey 20
Thanks 68, now that song is stuck in my head
Carli_M 8
It's stuck in mine to I'm singing it out loud right now
MsConfusedd 27
Just remind him that you've got a gun just in case the zombies attack
IOmnomHard 10
Someone sounds like they need therapy.
zandalee 20
Or a bloody good exorcism! Poor chap.
emmagillespie24 11
I just moderated this :)
IDontKnow10101 14
How is a knife going to stop the demons from repossessing him, or in this case, feeding on his soul....
TheDrifter 24
Silly sleeping mortals, thinking a knife will protect them as they snore away.
easyprey 8
Unless the knife is for her so she can stab him when he gets possessed
fishergirl34 3
I was wondering the same thing.
Shadow_Phantom 26
I think the fact that "demons don't possess people or feed on souls" will keep them from doing anything.
simmer333 0
Must resist... YOUR PHOTO IS PERFECT!
zandalee 20
75 - love your profile pic but don't agree with your comment.
anniekins 6
If I were you, I'd probably try to get out of that one as soon as possible.
PlaiPie 11
Better safe than sorry, better safe than sorry, better safe than sorry.
Kimitte 1
How will a knife help, how will a knife help, how will a knife help?
AphyTheBronette 15
Would of been better to carry a cross and bible,Would of been better to carry a cross and bible,Would of been better to carry a cross and bible.
outoftown 27
Oh. I read "better safe than sorry" as OP should get away from him.
TheNewPotato 7
Am I the only one who thinks this is a Left 4 Dead reference from the guy in the church who keeps saying this and gets the horde after you?
PlaiPie 11
That was what I was referencing too xD
beddington 7
Pea soup everywhere!!!