Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML
Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML
Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML
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Top comments
bargarlm 2
Well at least you got banged?
Greendaycheese 12
Well at least he's prepared?...
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Comments (109)
bigtime_rocker 11
Someone ONCE said "Guns don't kill people, irresponsible idiots with guns kill people!" Now, I don't want to be rude or call your boyfriend an idiot, but he would not be my first choice of people to choose as a roommate in a padded cell if he truly is THAT paranoid!
lostinlabels 8
You'll be the first to go when they come.
Psych101 9
14- Two things. 1. Why was ONCE in all caps? 2. We'll see who's laughing when the zombies attack.
bigtime_rocker 11
1. No idea. My mistake. 2. I agree!
Kimitte 1
Don't worry OP, if someone breaks into your house, you'll be protected. Though I hope you feel better and that your boyfriend..fixes himself.
jem970 19
Why the hell should he "fix" himself? Zombies aside, if someone breaks into his house while OP is there, she will be deliriously happy when her boyfriend saves her from being killed or injured by the intruder. He is prepared for anything. She should be happy. P.S. when the zombies come you will die.
aadvdrak 11
Tell him to stop watching those zombie related movies.
AmericanJedhead 10
Well maybe you should appreciate that... my boyfriend doesn't believe in the zombie apocalypse, but when the time comes, he'll be unprepared and die first. ^not actually true...
greeneyedpothead 10
First it was vampires, now it's zombies. Why do people "genuinely" believe in this stuff? Even if they were real, I doubt a baseball bat or even a gun would stop them.
jem970 19
Shows how much you know. Have you seen the news lately? People are eating other people! And not just because of bath salts. Wake up and stop being so blind.
asamir 11
You probably never watched Shaun of the Dead.
bookwormsteph 3
A bat may or may not be a bad choice in a zombie apocalypse (I'd want other weapons as well), weapon selection depends on style of zombie. Resident Evil Mutating ZA your screwed, if all you have is a bat.
TheDrifter 24
Resident Evil zombies dropped just fine when their skull was mushed, I maintain the bat is a valid weapon.
bookwormsteph 3
You think your gonna take down a licker with a bat?
Welshite 40
One can never be prepared enough when it comes to zombies. I find this perfectly reasonable.
deadxwedding84 5
Who doesn't genuinely fear a zombie outbreak?
DocBastard 40
People with decent working brains.
SonOfAMitch 14
Ah, but Doc, zombies go for the most decent working brains first!!
ohwellwhyme 2
Hi
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I don't think a baseball bat offers adequate protection.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
He needs a ******* automatic gun.
deadmoron1 1
An automatic gun would be next to useless against zombies that require headshots. Way too inaccurate.