Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML
Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML
Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML
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Top comments
bargarlm 2
Well at least you got banged?
Greendaycheese 12
Well at least he's prepared?...
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Comments (109)
ManInTheMachine 20
"And alive people." It's so tragic I could cry.
ambear26 14
He's prepared! Sounds like a smart boyfriend op I like him.
Tuffay 14
I think you are a Zombie... Spells like one. HaHaHa
MrTittySprinkles 7
You're also a jackass so you got that working for you to bravo.
br0ccoli 15
Tell your boyfriend that a zombie's blood will turn people into zombies so his messy zombie-killing logic won't work. OP, I probably wouldn't cuddle next to him without first removing your mascara. Runny mascara leaves a zombie look. He might attack.
DracoHKXX2 5
At least he's prepared
insomniac8400 13
your boyfriend is an idiot. when the zombies come, pieces of him are gonna be found in his room next to his precious bat
Lauranna_fml 9
Your comment made me laugh so much! I'm not being sarcastic by the way. I wonder how many people have baseball bats beside their beds because of films like 'Dawn of the Dead'. Thanks George Romero!
sinner92 4
Sounds like you have thought about this once or twice.
TrueTriage 16
Thank you Noor for having the most solid logic on this comment thread yet! Bath sa- Zombies are no joke don't treat them like one!
Lauranna_fml 9
You would be surprised how many people sleep with baseball bats under their beds because they are afraid of zombies! I was watching the news with my friend when we heard of that guy chewing that poor homeless guys face off in LA when I jokingly mentioned a zombie attack ( I wasn't being heartless on purpose. I was trying to lighten the mood in bad taste as I now know) In response she pulled a baseball bat from under her bed and said she was prepared. She wasn't kidding!