Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML
Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML
Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML
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Top comments
bargarlm 2
Well at least you got banged?
Greendaycheese 12
Well at least he's prepared?...
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Comments (109)
IamTheBatman349 1
At least he has his head in the right place. I'd advise him to put a sword under your bed. Sharp, and doesn't run out of bullets. :)
kalbrek009 20
I just want to know how a bat that sits NEXT to the bed fell on op's head as if it came from ABOVE the bed (does it levitate of its own accord) or does op mean it fell against the side of the bed where their head was and bumped them in the head?
AholeCop 11
Most guys don't like protection in bed.
afairshake 8
Um time for a new boyfriend for you and therapy for your boyfriend he's obviously watched Zombieland one to many times
KiddNYC1O 22
Just don't forget the rules.
callous 2
Smart man. You'll appreciate him during the next zombie apocalypse.
metalwolf 17
He has the right idea in preparing for emergency, but when dealing with something like a hoard of zombies, if they make it to your bed while you are sleeping, you have already lost.
Special_Psycho 8
For all you know, the government COULD be planning on making the outbreak right now. And besides, better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. PLUS, you got banged! ^_^ + :Þ
cnn123 1
I keep 2 baseball bats near my bed..better safe than sorry.
LittleGreenPaola 23
I keep a katana. You never know...
PowerPanda_fml 3
"Do YOU have a zombie apocalyps plan?!?!???"