Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap. In the process he landed on me so hard that he made me hit my head. Then when he turned around his elbow smacked into my nose causing it to break. FML
Today, as I was sleeping I heard something bang on my door. I walked on my balcony only to find my boyfriend throwing rocks trying to wake me. He didn't see me and threw a rock right into my eye. FML
Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone across the room and into the wall because he couldn't be bothered to pick up or hang up an incoming call. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML
Today, I woke up with a bloody nose and my lamp next to me in bed. Apparently I grabbed the cord of the lamp and yanked while I was sleeping, and it fell on my face. The worst part? My boyfriend saw it was going to happen, but didn't stop me because he thought it would be funny to "see my reaction." FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Feeling horny?
DocBastard 40
Well done on the puns, everyone.
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Comments (91)
Pleonasm 36
Feeling horny?
jacsoccerdude3 10
That really pokes a hole in the situation
JocelynKaulitz 28
It's those horn-mones.
Pleonasm 36
Hormones? What a load of bull. But OP, I hope you and your partner are bovine.
unknown_user5566 27
Mooving right along, I'd say OP has a bone to pick with her boyfriend.
Pleonasm 36
You're milking the joke for all it's worth now, Kyleekay, but it's udderly hilarious, good job! A very amoosing read.
DocBastard 40
Well done on the puns, everyone.
Zomg_Okay 27
*Wipes away tear* It's beautiful.
sajid_sam 4
hhmm
Denomic 9
Well guys, this has been the greatest pun reaction I've ever seen in FML, I'm proud.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Hopefully you didn't get stabbed with the horns.... D:
ShannyAK 16
Oh god imagin how bad that would hurt
ohSNAPyall 27
That would be two words, so I figured OP was talking about megaphones.
mikeofthunder 13
Yikes! Well at least you're both ok :-)
Feared 9
And how do you know that they are okay?
unknown_user5566 27
Considering OP lived to tell her tale, it's safe to assume any injuries she may have sustained weren't life threatening.
SkoomaKi 28
*OP looks at Kyleekay's comment with a disfigured face and misty eyes*
perdix 31
#28, well, the boyfriend could have been gored to death for all we know. Some people's "I told you so" attitude is so strong, it supercedes death.
RS808 6
I guess the more appropriate comment here would be "at least you're alive".
perdix 31
A set of bullhorns? Why does he need a set? I have only one bullhorn and I use it to walk around my neighborhood in the wee hours and tell everyone my political and theological views. After the security patrol tases me and confiscates it, I just yell. These people need the message!
AholeCop 11
If you had a set...you could continue using the horn after the security patrol confiscates one...Her boyfriend is obviously the plan ahead type.
Zedd_fml 8
Yes yes, it's not about having a bullhorn, it's about sending a message. -Joker would be proud of you.
tsent8 15
Ha just a set? I have 2 sets I do this every night !
tsent8 15
Ha just a set? I have 2 sets I do this every night !
jacsoccerdude3 10
The bullhorns
unknown_user5566 27
Why in the world would he do that in the first place? Is that some sort of decoration for people now?
unknown_user5566 27
D'oh. I feel stupid now. I thought OP meant the horns you talk into to make your voice louder.
RS808 6
lol thanks for that laugh
malfanese 6
Guess he was feeling... Horny...
afropuffjake 9
YEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!
lilmisslovely13 15
The puns have already run their course
txbelle210 5
It wasn't even funny the first time... Lame.
ShannyAK 16
You never know... They could be getting it on, after all the fml says 2am so doesbt mean they are sleeping
LemonandLime 13
Your comment's rating.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
I know a lot of people like them, but I can't help but feel like any form of mounted animal trophies are just really creepy at night.
unknown_user5566 27
Agreed! Mounted animals and dolls are probably the creepiest things ever; I feel like their eyes follow me around the room.
Acik91 26
And a wardrobe's open door, too. The ultimate night scare.
Noxialis 10
#31 - I personally prefer dolls to follow me around with their eyes over the alternative. Imagine how creepy it'd be to have a doll categorically avoid eye contact.
SortOfSexy 4
If you mess with the bull you get the horns.. In the face apparently.