Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML
Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML
Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML
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Top comments
bargarlm 2
Well at least you got banged?
Greendaycheese 12
Well at least he's prepared?...
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Comments (109)
bargarlm 2
Well at least you got banged?
Goldenchest 14
Maybe you should be more concerned about a ghost outbreak...
reallytho3 11
Bazzzinga!!
starman02 12
With the way people are doing bath salts, I would have a bat by my bed to! Hehe. Hope it didn't hurt to much OP!
numbersystem 4
He believes in safe sex!
MrHotShot22 6
The real question is where did the bat fall from?
NothernNightmare 18
33, a Big Bang Theory reference is irrelevant in this thread.
CheeseTron 15
Im glad im not the only one!
LiyIa_fml 8
Same here 137! I thought i was the only one who kept a bat by my bed incase of any emergency. ;)
SenselessPattern 12
A Big Bang Theory reference is always irrelevant in every thread, based on the weekly rape that show does to the word 'comedy'.
Greendaycheese 12
Well at least he's prepared?...
iiDangerCloseBK 6
You never know when the zombies are gonna come.
Aug1508 9
She will be grateful when he saves her from those zombies!
MURIKKA 11
The thing is that cuddling will not keep up ones cardio. OP's boyfriend needs to step up his game....
doctorhook86 25
21: Agreed. If they're gonna lie in bed together they oughta at least get some exercise.
Psych101 9
Exactly. Rule number one of Zombieland: Cardio.
SirEskimo 13
He's obviously not prepared enough; he didn't even double tap!
ekb777 13
Poor fat bastard
poppysoda 4
It fell on her head yet he keeps it next to the bed..there's something wrong here.
ekb777 13
Why the thumbs down? It's another zombieland quote :(
Delta2Almanac 7
I think that our entire generation knows so much about a zombie apocalypse that if we ever actually have one. Most of us are going to survive
AGhost5445 25
I doubt a baseball bat will stop a zombie tell him to get a gun.
SirEskimo 13
Guns are too noisy, would attract more zombies. You'd be better off with a giant ***** bat.
EnterSandman_fml 20
Or a katana. Save the guns & ammo for the large groups of zombies. If its one or two, quiet melee weapons all the way.
RealTalk0 7
Yeah, then next time a gun would fall on her head.
mrnuleef 7
Better a gun than a katana fall on her head. Or he could just not have anti zombie weapons all together... Just a suggestion...
Tuffay 14
A sickle with a sawed off handle works best, in my experience.
Hockeyboy4280 18
Always remember Rule # 2 OP: the double tap.
SlayerElite 1
I am happy that most people in are modetn society are prepared and know what to do in a zombie apocoloypse. i have hope that we could survive and take back the world when it happens.
pokefan813 16
8 - don't forget the apocofists!
Dro4200 2
A baseball bat will help zombies dont move fast like in the new dawn of the dead. Rigornortis has already set in so their body is 100% stiff an hard for them to move so they slow.
killdozer1 2
A bat would break after just a few kills, if even. A sledgehammer would be better. Also, always keep a gun with at least two bullets on you at all times. If you go out, make sure the zombie that bit you goes too.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I say you go Sparta on their ass. A shield, sword, and lance.
tylahgrace 12
Katanas aren't better dude. if you don't know how to use them, your ******
JaybirdCPA 2
Just make sure you "double tap"
kotabones 0
Or keep them you know under the bed
DRMIKA 4
Cut there head with a katana & you're good
laden_swallow09 35
Uhh, guys… swords and bladed weapons need reloading. It's called a whetstone.
TBelle4Ever 15
It you want to know what would be the best weapon to use, you need to read Max Brooks book. It's called The Zombie Survival Guide: Protection From the Living Dead. I read it and all I can say is that I'm prepared, but will you be?
Turtle_rebellion 10
You do realize that in order to fulfill the definition of apocalypse, EVERYONE would have to die?
Inheritance 10
A black bladed machete or sword is best for zombies. 1) quiet 2) no reflection from blade (off light) 3) convient and fast 4) slick
Jiplo 18
actually, I believe a baseball bat would work just fine. I found this one YouTube series called ZombieGoBoom. it's pretty damn awesome.
LaughterofCorn 4
In a weird sense, you were ****-blocked by zombies.
Qandol 26
Can a girl be **** blocked? Since OP is a girl.
domking1315 20
Vag blocked?
RaggleFrock 13
Vag gagged.
jamalamadingdong 18
Twat blocked?
syki 22
Amateurs. It's vajected, or snatch-latched.
steph8391 11
Now that's good. I gotta remember that one!!!
jibz 6
Twat Swatted.
teddy4nyy 13
Clit nicked
FailBear920 19
Beaver damned!
teague95 16
cause a baseball bat would totally stop a zombie
MCRaddict15 15
It's better than nothing! Baseball bats would totally work.
teague95 16
Id rather have nothing and be able to run like a scared little girl than swing a bat
Yorih 19
So... You can't run with the bat? What, is it too heavy for you?
mdds 2
49: false! the only thing that will stop a zombie is destroying its brain not denting it. bat's not looking so good now.
jem970 19
Tallahassee took out a zombie with a banjo. You argument is no longer valid #81. Goodbye.
meroze12 2
You play wow?? :))
vocaloidtiger 12
81 - Zombies currently do not exist. Therefore, there is no way of knowing how to kill them. We can't know things about creatures that aren't even real.
laden_swallow09 35
153- You are absolutely correct. I've tried looking for a cure for vampirism to no avail. Apparently, it's very difficult to cure one without killing it.
Turtle_rebellion 10
81: actually, we have no proof of what would kill zombies. How do you know how to kill something that dosent (yet) exist? Edit: sorry I didn't see 153
brenkite 5
81 a baseball bat could break a skull, it just might break though
jjmiller1001 17
What a loser! FYL
pokefan813 16
Why is he a loser? He obviously didnt lose the bat...
SneakyCaveman 13
I keep my zombie equipment in the closet to avoid such situations.
gc327072 31
Since I'm handicapped, I just hired MF Jones.
supportcommand 17
What an idiot. A baseball bat isn't going to do shit against zombies. He will be a good diversion while you make a break for it though.
Yorih 19
Though batting the crap out of the Zombie's head might do something... However, anything more than a couple, just a bat and you'd be screwed
mdds 2
correct, a guns the only logical choice
winnerme123 8
Flamethrowers work also.
SlayerElite 1
xombies come from reanimated flesh, so if the skin can regenerate like the brian, then new skin eould constantly burn, now you have flaming zombies, you made a bad situation, worse. way to go.
JessieLoren 5
you obviously haven't watched the Walking Dead, you can beat the crap out of a zombie with a baseball bat!!
supportcommand 17
Walking dead was a movie produced by zombies to make you think that. There's no way you can fight off a gang of zombies with a bat. You're ******. Automatic weapons, and explosives are the only choice for me. You can join my gang but you'll be the first to get eaten.
deadmoron1 1
Baseball bats are designed to be able to hit a small, hard object traveling at speeds upwards of 80 mph multiple times. One should be more than capable of crushing some zombie skulls.
LappDance 16
You'll be sorry that you ever complained when a zombie comes into the room and you have no way to protect yourself!
skitzofreniks 5
A machete or other edged weapon are the best against Zombies. They require next to no maintenance and you don't have to find and carry ammo.
MURIKKA 11
Because you have to carry bat ammo....
TheDrifter 24
Stopping zombies requires severe trauma to the brain or decapitation. Edged weapons are only effective if you're strong enough to manage that first strike, every time. A bat on the other hand will knock them down and buy you time even if the blow wasn't hard enough to pulp their brain pan.
mrnuleef 7
Unless they're running zombies, then you're ******.
pokefan813 16
36 - I think 13 was supposed to be a response to 3...
whyusofat 17
Just make sure its not a hatchet because you're screwed if you forget to reload it!