Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML
Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to beat him up so he could look tough around his friends. When I just stared at him, he added, "Please don't break anything though. Nothing too serious." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML
Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML
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Top comments
zman1422 3
He really does care!
Stealthed 8
There's no joke about a zombie apocalypse.
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Comments (179)
zman1422 3
He really does care!
YayorNay 8
It was love at first site.
Zya_fml 8
Uh, you should get away from him because if his dreams get too realistic...you're screwed.
margie2194 12
Now that's a keeper :)
Rainbow_dumpster 28
I honestly don't know whether if you really are a Troll or a complete moron, #36. So if he's a Keeper, you would most likely side with him so he can beat the living shit out of her if a zombie apocalypse were to happen. So, judging by your Profile, you're a Girl and you would support domestic violence toward a woman should an apocalypse happen. So instead of Helping out OP's dreadful situation and siding with her Boyfriend, you have the audacity to say "Now that's a keeper."? Try again, you insecure moron.
madskittlesftw 5
52- you're a moron. You rage over nothing, and did you seriously take the time to type all that out? Do you know how many people say "he's a keeper" on a FML like this?
margie2194 12
Um 52, I was kidding. Did you forget to take your meds again sweetheart?
superstar429 7
your a little weird and no one thinks your sarcastic your just stupid
Hayman68 4
52 - ever heard of a little thing called sarcasm?
margie2194 12
52, your stupidity amuses me :)
hamncheeseinit 6
WoW ur soooooooo dumb #52!! People can say watever they want it's called the freedom of speech
Danks 4
she's just jealous because margie is hot and she's ugly as fuuck
centarous85 0
Hahahahaha
centarous85 0
52, are you a guy? Idk from ur pic
ikickgingers 15
Apparently I should be living in bc and not new york.
Rainbow_dumpster 28
Never mind 55. Sorry. >>; Apparently I wasn't in on the joke due to the fact of me getting me thumbed down was a sign of lacking sense of humor. D: IDI
Gloritank 8
I'd beat my own children to death if they were zombies.
Melvar_10 3
Me and my ex had the same conversation and we pretty much agreed to keeping each other as pets in a bulletproof glass case should the occasion arise :D
powershot_fml 5
52 reminds me of those guys on youtube...
zniltiaC 19
TROLLOLOLOL.
FreakingFYou 13
If I were him I would wait till you became a zombie and release you into the wild.
CryMoreFMLs 15
I would put a muzzle on her and keep her with me. Love would persist through the apocalypse! ...Or until she tears my throat out. Anybody got a full body kevlar suit?
jallred254 4
If I were HER I'd say "there's no way you're double tappin' this anytime soon"
phoenixslayer69 4
No kevlar suit but shark mesh is so much more effective.
Bravo11 14
I downloaded the zombie booth app the other day and it's slightly disturbing to be honest. It made me reconsider how awful a zombie apocalypse would be. I'd much rather face the wrath of Global Warming.
BD_Swingin 0
"A wild snorlax has appeared." "Holy shit that's a zombie!" lol
shanie123 10
That's how I'd want to go out lol jk wow, just wow
HomelessMuslim 0
Is it weird this gave me a boner?
SneakyBaron 3
Only slightly.
CryMoreFMLs 15
It would be wierd if it didn't.
margie2194 12
It gave me a boner too, and I don't even have a penis... It was like an imaginary boner.
superstar429 7
thats hilarious
StoryOfTheYear 15
Is it weird that your cliché comment gave me a boner? ._.
centarous85 0
Lol
btnhdude 0
Margie, call it a lady-boner.
djack0113 0
Is it weird that I came?
emo_chick4 0
Yes. It is.
superstar429 7
wow you should tell him something similar and say you weren't joking let see how he would feel hahaha
jallred254 4
Yeah like if he turned into a dancing zombie! Right? Or! Or! A clown! #ilovesarcasm
superstar429 7
your mean no more dislikes please thanks
themacuser 0
you're seriously asking people not to dislike you?
YayFlameWarz 9
and you misused the word you're!? Attack trolls!
Stealthed 8
There's no joke about a zombie apocalypse.
mladd94 2
very true. it's coming, and I'll be ready...I guess he will be too lol
longhorns1050 3
Exactly what I was thinking
Gloritank 8
Fill the bathtub with water. Destroy the stairs.
ZmbChick 0
I'm ready for it.
subwoofa 0
Stuff that, put a whole lot of tredmills around the house and turn them on and watch the zombies go flying
_Peppermint_ 34
Get even
absolutegrrr 7
How does one get even in a zombie apocalypse?
BellaBelle_fml 23
There's nothing to get even for.
emo_chick4 0
Well. I thought it was funny.
kaileigh33 0
Wow, gay!
tylersign 11
I was GONNA say that that's actually a good plan.. But then I remembered. Tire Iron? I'd think a simple hand gun would do the trick..
Stealth_Void 4
Too much noise. Don't want to attract the zombies!
jgduplante 9
Just tell him you'd gladly return the favor!
giggleprincess 0
But beating a zombie is more personal than shooting one....
SuperPotato 7
Wait if he loves his girl friend y would he beat her too death
agoth 0
your boyfriends quite an oddball