Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML
Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML
Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML
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Top comments
bargarlm 2
Well at least you got banged?
Greendaycheese 12
Well at least he's prepared?...
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Comments (109)
rhysfucker 24
You got rule #17: Double tap. Ha!
kitsune3 20
More like F HIS life. He has a girlfriend who doesn't realize or accept the fact that, with all the scientific experimentation, radiation, and other incredibly logical factors, a zombie apocalypse is one of the most likely apocalypse concepts out there.
rhysfucker 24
Actually a virus / flu will probably pull our plugs
br0ccoli 15
Actually, I think the day gets closer when the 99% will eventually get fed up and violently go after the 1%. I think that's how it's going down in the history books.
mckibben 7
Swine flu (H1N1 or whatever it was) was the closest to a zombie outbreak yet
ManInTheMachine 20
72-Except for the fact that the swine flu didn't make people into undead cannibals, and the common cold spreads faster than H1N1.
Levvy 22
I wish I could tell if you were being facetious.
jenniiienyc 5
At least for your sake it wasn't a sword. :)
badluck14_______ 2
Lol hard luck :) lucky it wasnt something heavier though
badluck14_______ 2
^?
Dixbfloppin 11
Ellis: "I'll knock some heads with this."
krylonpony 3
Someone watched too much walking dead maybe?
Milotiiic 9
Or not enough... To realize that one baseball bat won't work very long!
Wheredidgrungego 12
Better safe than zombified.
al66orange 4
I have that same fear, I just keep my doors locked tight lol
Countryrose0524 7
Hey, you never know when that shit is really gonna happen. Cause ya know, its coming.