Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML
Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML
Today, the girl who I was in love with for almost seven years listed me on facebook as her "Brother." FML
Today, I told my family that I have a girlfriend, and showed them her Facebook. They immediately started taking bets on when I’d mess it up, when she’d dump me, whether she actually existed, if I’d just made a fake Facebook, or whether she was a pro I hired. I hate my siblings. FML
Today, I thought my date last night went quite well, especially when she called me first thing this morning… until it turned out she wasn’t very impressed, and wanted my brother's number instead. The single, successful lawyer, who is 6 inches taller than me, who she saw on my Facebook page. FML
Today, I took my new boyfriend to my step-sister's wedding. He knew more people there than I did, including 3 bridesmaids he used to sleep with. FML
Today, I found out via Facebook that my brother got engaged several days ago. Not only did he not tell me, but we live in the same house. FML
Today, a guy commented on a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook, and said to please stop 'testing' him. He also messaged me saying how he wishes he could get a girlfriend like me, that I'm gorgeous, and that he wants to go out with me. I'm his cousin. FML
Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML
Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML
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Top comments
MidnaLink 35
So, either you're really unlucky, or your brother attracts women who are really gullible.
RichardPencil 32
I is sure hes marrying a grate girl. Flat Earthers are wild in the sack :) Learn from you're brother!
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Comments (7)
RichardPencil 32
I is sure hes marrying a grate girl. Flat Earthers are wild in the sack :) Learn from you're brother!
MidnaLink 35
So, either you're really unlucky, or your brother attracts women who are really gullible.
kfchicken 31
I'd rather have my self respect, regardless starting a relationship off like that is starting a relationship off the wrong way
tounces7 28
Your brother probably attracts the sort of women who want to make sure they are smarter than their partner.
AmbrosiaFan 19
I feel sorry for who he is marrying if that's his attitude.
millsjoshua949 12
I'm a bit confused by this. Your brother sounds like an idiot and none of his methods would appeal to a woman. So are you upset that he's an idiot or that he's getting married?
Ambrily 27
That he has a romantic relationship and OP doesn't.
BMXDude22 12
Pay no mind Ambrily, millsjoshua949 makes THE DUMBEST comments. He or she never understands ANYTHING. I go looking for them, it's always dumb stuff like "I don't get this, you put a cake in an oven? Im confused, what?" It's a wonder people like them can figure out how to turn on a computer.
Brightside86 31
That's actually really clever way of using cunningham's law to engage the girl. People love being right. So giving them an opportunity to correct you is near irresistible. Cunningham's Law states "the best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to ask a question; it's to post the wrong answer."