Today, I found out where my surprise honeymoon is: it involves swimming with dolphins. I have a huge fear of dolphins, whales, and sharks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML
Today, I learned just how bad jellyfish stings hurt. Multiple times. On my testicles. FML
Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML
Today, a man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML
Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could go get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling, another friend came by, and we talked for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone into the water instead of his stick. FML
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Top comments
monkeybanana 7
Wouldn't your spouse know that about you?
OAAS 0
Don't worry, OP, you'll have a whale of a time
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Comments (79)
katakoto 4
I guess dolphin therapy gets rid of your fear.
bmxking210 3
Hey I agree. Dolphins are scary af. They kill sharks. They might seem friendly but if you piss them off, they're dangerous as hell. As my friend said earlier they're like the mob.
Kridurha 2
Oh, and dolphins rape people. Just a fact.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
What about sharks? *grabs harpoon* This is on a need to know basis. *eyes FMLShark*
lepuppykicker 15
That made me think of King of the Hill.
SluggerJ 7
Well it's time to face your fears OP.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Leave Princess Olive out of this!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Damn. I need to quit being so hasty about commenting. ...here come the thumb-downs. *runs for cover*
efemel94 7
Hmmm sounds fishy -.-
nancyschmancy 9
It doesn't sound like your husband researched your surprise honeymoon very well. It would seem to me, if you didn't plan it excitedly together, he would have been darn sure it was something you had said you dreamed of doing.
mjew 7
You have a serious case of puss-itis.
tash4220 0
Whoa! He totally gets you! Erm... it's not too late to back out now..
nancyschmancy 9
How do you know it's not too late? Most surprise honeymoons are revealed after the wedding has taken place.
krewer21 1
Remember, dolphins are another mammal that like to have sex for fun, maybe you'll find a horny one and get some Ooooohhhh time that hubby can't provide!
perdix 31
I've heard of that package deal. After the dolphin swim, they take you to a cave infested with rats and snakes and make you stand up and give a speech -- public speaking? Aaaaaiiieeeeee!!!