Today, I found out where my surprise honeymoon is: it involves swimming with dolphins. I have a huge fear of dolphins, whales, and sharks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML
Today, I learned just how bad jellyfish stings hurt. Multiple times. On my testicles. FML
Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML
Today, a man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML
Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could go get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling, another friend came by, and we talked for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone into the water instead of his stick. FML
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Top comments
monkeybanana 7
Wouldn't your spouse know that about you?
OAAS 0
Don't worry, OP, you'll have a whale of a time
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Comments (79)
monkeybanana 7
Wouldn't your spouse know that about you?
gamercanadian 11
I'll fear sharks too but dolphins, really ?
beccaishereyay 11
Maybe he wants to help you face your fear?
BandWagonGuy 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
20, Here's something that might change your mind, Dolphins have raped humans to death, its scary and not even funny.
b3tazoid 5
Raped to death by a dolphin?!? Come on, that's slightly funny :)
FMLshark 12
Is that why you passed out when you met me, OP? I knew it was a little odd.
rahrah765765 11
You must have great life insurance, I guess he figures if the marine life don't kill you, a heart attack will. My suggestion is to... AH HOLY SHIT A SHARK!
aaahhhfire21 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Really your afraid of three things most ppl will never come in contact with how irrational
SluggerJ 7
WTF 24 where did you get that
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Internet.
BandWagonGuy 8
What squeeky chipmunk said, bruh.
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
when I swam with dolphins, I had to sign about a hundred documents stating I would NOT touch the dolphins genitals, for the very reason of them being a very raping-proned animal
hatesfate 6
58 - or you just seemed to be very suspicious
get_on_my_level 0
26, perfect picture for this fml.
thiscrazything 1
Sir, how did your wife die? She was gang raped by Flipper and his friends.... I'm sorry but that seems so funny and is so hard to believe. Don't worry OP, I'm sure the rapests were put away, it is really is quite safe, and you may find out you really like it.
garrr 0
What a dumb thing to say, if it is dangerous you have the right to be afraid of it without having experienced it.
negb 30
21 - maybe but couldn't he save that for after the honeymoon? It's suppose to be a happy time with no screaming. Except maybe for certain "activities" ;)
dancinwookie 21
Actually, what 24 said is true. I was just reading a few articles on it last week, after a tip off from Cracked.com. ALL TRUE! About 14 people a year in the US are raped by dolphins every year. If you're interested/horrified take a gander, Google "dolphin rape".
dougiewhale 6
24 is right. Dolphins are rapers!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Rapists. Not rapers.
dougiewhale 6
No, it's ok. I'm bringing it back.
b3tazoid 5
110-won't that bring up ********** ****?
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
124- It was never here
mxnuelh 2
"Sooner or later you have to face your fears"
KM96 24
Well yes, I can agree with that, but your honeymoon isnt the best time exactly. Dont you think?
beccaishereyay 11
Unless its a fear of sex ;)
jojimugo 20
I believe some fear can go unmet
beccaishereyay 11
Unless its a fear of sex ;) ;) (double wink)
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
Thank you for clarifying that ";)" twice, in fact does mean 'double wink'.
lifeisaterriblem 6
Dolphins won't harm you
SammyS2012 21
I think overcoming a fear is a good activity for a honeymoon. For me, it creates a sense of security between the couple. What am I talking about? I'm not married; I don't know what I'm talking about :) But seriously, I would rather overcome a fear with my new husband than stay in the hotel the whole time.
DespairFaction 11
Just watch Flipper. You will live Dolphins after that.
OAAS 0
Don't worry, OP, you'll have a whale of a time
nadnerbz 6
OP, I hope you sea past your fear.
uberdubers 3
Oh, i'm shore she will.
khaayotic 16
Her husband will dolphinately make sure of that.
KriiFahMoro 9
This thread is un-BEAR-ably funny.
oddsinourfavor 2
They're doing SEA animal puns. -_-
oddsinourfavor 2
That was a bit shellfish of them.
KriiFahMoro 9
140 - I know, I was just trying to randomly break the chain. Didn't work I guess...
iwilkilalzmBs 2
You get no say in choosing where you go on your honeymoon? Isn't it your money too?
Thelnternet 7
surprise honeymoon
igive 29
it could have been given to her by her parents or in laws.
kmsdvm24 11
84 - They were merely clarifying that the OP's is a "surprise honeymoon", which implies it was a gift from someone. No one stated ALL honeymoons are gifts; I believe most couples normally pay and plan their own unless they are very fortunate.
Il_Maestro 6
If it involves aquatic animals like that, wouldn't there be a beach nearby that you could enjoy instead?
yahoowizard 16
With those fears, the beach isn't the best place, haha
brisbanegirl 21
Yeah but at least on the beach she isn't in the water where she can come in contact with those 3 things
emag_eht 18
That's true. She can just tell her husband (in a non-bitchy way like some women do) that she's terrified of dolphins, sharks and whales and if they can just spend it in the hotel or the beach.
aaronfuegopop 7
Then don't swim with the dolphins...?
lunchladyliz 2
Not sure why this got thumbed down, seeing as OP said it "involves" swimming with dolphins that implies that it is not the entire honeymoon. OP: Either face your fears with your new life partner or skip out on that part.
LO388 7
But dolphins are awesome, they're the clowns of the sea...oh $#@&, I hope you're not afraid of clowns too.
caplox 6
Do you /have/ to go swimming with the marine life? Try fighting your fears. You probably wont regret it.. Unless a shark bites off your leg but that's unlikely to happen.
FMLshark 12
I don't know. I've been craving a leg for a while.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
And judging by your picture, I'm guessing a little foreplay too, shark.
FMLshark 12
That's part of my foreplay, Chipmunk. Human legs are a great aphrodisiac.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Good thing I'm not human then.
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
I agree, I don't think it'd be regretted. I swam with dolphins a few years ago and while I was a little scared at first, it was an AMAZING experience. It can seem scary but they are quite harmless creatures in most cases.
Jaxx66 21
It is sort of scary at first. But what can help OP, is; if there are Dolphins, there are no sharks around. I think what scared me most at first was the fish.... I am terrified of 'swarming' creatures, so while we snorkelled the boat captain decided to give someone the fish food to swim around with. That was terrifying at first, but the beauty of it sort of smooths out the want to get out of the water as long as the food keeps a bit of a distance.
gdfth 1
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therealslim 15
^ I totally understand what you're saying
nerobluerose 10
Be very very rough the night before and scratch your husband. That way of they attack they will go after him, since it was his idea to bring you somewhere you are afraid to go.
caplox 6
Maybe he wants his wife to get over her fears? Maybe he didn't realize she had a huge fear? Maybe he's trying something different for a change.
NoisyNykkii 10
Surprise honeymoon? Those never go well.... Alright, maybe sometimes they do.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Only in pornos.
GroovyGravy 7
At least all three aren't in one big tank for you to swim in.