Today, I found out where my surprise honeymoon is: it involves swimming with dolphins. I have a huge fear of dolphins, whales, and sharks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML
Today, I learned just how bad jellyfish stings hurt. Multiple times. On my testicles. FML
Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML
Today, a man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML
Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could go get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling, another friend came by, and we talked for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone into the water instead of his stick. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
monkeybanana 7
Wouldn't your spouse know that about you?
OAAS 0
Don't worry, OP, you'll have a whale of a time
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (79)
EyesofStone 27
It was a simple mistake, OP. Any-pod-dy could have made it.
drlove78843 6
just stay on the beach
tony1891 22
sharks I can see. but whales and..... dolphins? they're like the most gentle creatures on earth.
love_me_electric 20
Dolphins are one of the few animals other than humans known to kill/rape for pleasure. At least the shark will only kill you if it's hungry.
PlaySpades 21
It's called an irrational fear for a reason.
Angelrose2004 17
I feel your pain, OP. The sight of a fish give me horrible panic attacks. I can't even be around somebody if they are eating salmon or something that resembles a fish... I know, i'm an oddball. Good luck and hope you enjoy yourself after all!
2dog 15
Sorry, but You can't just say something that you are afraid of dolphins?
DONTxCARE 0
Is it that hard to be happy about surprises and gifts?..
Anatopist 6
Not if the surprise involves something you're terrified of, I guess.
Dirty_Minded_FML 2
How can you be afraid of dolphins. they have been known to save people's lives.
Helenarth 6
They have also been known to rape people. Also, fears are not always rational. Most spiders are harmless and darkness is just the absence of light but people are scared of those too.
Dallasluver19 14
VWell, like they say, u gotta face your fears someday. Your day is today. >:)
uberdubers 3
It's probably not today.. But actually when they go on the honeymoon..
Dallasluver19 14
Hah.. Well then I am right.. Because 'today' was just a .. Typo. >:D
rammy125 4
Just stay in your room and have sex all day and night, that way you'll never have to worry about it. Or you could just stop being a big pussy and get over your fears
netbeui435 3
The dolphins will protect from sharks.