Today, I learned just how bad jellyfish stings hurt. Multiple times. On my testicles. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out where my surprise honeymoon is: it involves swimming with dolphins. I have a huge fear of dolphins, whales, and sharks. FML
Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought, "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot?" Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML
Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML
Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
Were you swimming nekkid, wearing baggy swim shorts and just really unlucky, or were you doing something you thought would get a laugh, only to learn a really important lesson really fast?
RichardPencil 32
The best relief for a jellyfish sting is pee. Unless you have a bendy dick, you’ll probably need to lay flat, pee straight up and let it splash on the affected area. Do this indoors as a breeze could piss you off, literally.
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Comments (9)
RichardPencil 32
The best relief for a jellyfish sting is pee. Unless you have a bendy dick, you’ll probably need to lay flat, pee straight up and let it splash on the affected area. Do this indoors as a breeze could piss you off, literally.
Dykorammaaa 9
I really hope you’re kidding about the pee. It actually makes the stinging intensified. Hope I save you from some future pain.
BurnInDemonFire 39
How often is RP serious?
Mark James Lewis 3
Maybe don’t have happy time with a jelly fish
BurnInDemonFire 39
Were you swimming nekkid, wearing baggy swim shorts and just really unlucky, or were you doing something you thought would get a laugh, only to learn a really important lesson really fast?
Mungolikecandy 19
Skinny dipping is a dangerous thing.
alycion 39
I keep meat tenderizer in my beach bag to remove the sting. But for this situation, well, there are too many jokes of the two combined.
ViviMage 40
If you're into Japanese lore you'll be a Tanuki for a while until the swelling goes down!