Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML
Today, while having fun between the sheets with my boyfriend, his allergies got the best of him and his nose started running. Every time he kissed me he'd drip snot onto my face. When I complained, he said I was being insensitive. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML
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Top comments
richy90255 8
Next time if there if is a next time
Keyganator 5
Hey, they don't call it fun sized for nothing! ; )
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Comments (234)
caybree 0
Maybe she was laughing because you were wearing underwear.
caybree 0
Real men wear boxers cheese dicks!
hatesfate 6
Boxers are still considered "underwear"
siickman 7
And either way most athletes wear boxer briefs because boxers dont keep that shit in place... So its not about being a man... Its just what you prefer.
caybree 0
Nope
THE_A_TEEN 28
"Real men wear boxers"? Tell me, if you have a wife-beater for a husband and he wears boxers, is he a real man in your shallow mind?
caybree 0
I don't care what you say lahlahalhalhalahl
caybree 0
Birthday se!!x!!!! *******!:D
caybree 0
I love lesbians becausei am one
auzz1_pride 9
Ha what a fussy bitch.
Xrandomkrisx 7
Maybe she's just allergic to penis.
GothInside 6
Or maybe she's just allergic to men...perhaps she should check out chicks, see if vag is more to her liking. Either way, I feel kinda sorry for the poor bastard! What a blow to his fragile young ego...have some bimbo laugh at ur tool
luccmon 6
Doesn't matter ha... Wait...
riptor911 10
LOLOLOLOL
tHeDaRkNeSs006 10
Maybe shes allergic to pork
lavantant 3
^dafuq?
jaredofmo 22
This reminds me of the scene in Trainspotting where Spud is passed out on Gail's bed and she takes his pants off saying, "Let's see what I'm missing!" "...Not much."
doomsdaypoptart9 1
Should have told her sex helps clear up allergies and relieve headaches its true!
Cinderella_Man 10
"JoJo was a man who only had 3", but he knew it wouldn't last. JoJo never had much luck with all the B*****s, but I think if Jo get black. Get black, get black, get black and watch your Johnson grow..." -- The Black Beatles
fylydi82 1
Umm....what?
Cinderella_Man 10
It was a parody of "Get Back", by The Beatles. In other words.... n***as be packin'! Try to keep up! SMDH!
borche 5
You can do better buddy!
SeanMargalit 0
Baby dick!
harof1c 0
I bet you have q baby dick. Plus his will grow if it is small.
bethanyjk 0
Haha, u look 12. Bet urs is smaller. Loserr.
Boss402 0
haha get trolled. nice hair ken. wheres barbie?