Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML
Today, while having fun between the sheets with my boyfriend, his allergies got the best of him and his nose started running. Every time he kissed me he'd drip snot onto my face. When I complained, he said I was being insensitive. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML
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Top comments
richy90255 8
Next time if there if is a next time
Keyganator 5
Hey, they don't call it fun sized for nothing! ; )
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Comments (234)
MichellinMan 20
very quick to come to that conclusion.
foreveryoung2345 5
Sometimes, just sometimes, it's not about the size, but how you use it.
thats_my_job 11
Hell if you can lick it won't matter how big you are.
ambowew 7
In the shape of a heart, no doubt.
spekledworf 18
I see what you did there... well played
lopsop 12
It's not the size of the drill but the amount of torch
lopsop 12
*torque opps
sammyjanette 17
But the longer something is the more torque it has...
Oxonian3 8
Yeah spring really brings on the allergies huh? "spring ;)"
xxmckenzierae 5
It's not about size it's what you can do with it ;p Unless you don't keep yourself groomed OP.
Llamacod 11
So if you're not groomed down there then it doesn't matter why you can do with it? That doesn't make any sense at all, I don't see how grooming affects how you can use it
xxmckenzierae 5
Because some girls like myself won't touch a matted gross wiener. It does make sense. If that was the problem. Either cleanliness or size could be OPs problem.
xtalondriver 14
It's not the size of the wave, but the motion of the ocean.
sharpshooter22ma 0
True but it would take you a long ass time to get to England on a row boat.... I'm just saying lol
bballchick15 0
That will leave scabs! Trust me, I know a guy lol
yoyoforpeace 14
You're 14...stop..