Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML
Today, while having fun between the sheets with my boyfriend, his allergies got the best of him and his nose started running. Every time he kissed me he'd drip snot onto my face. When I complained, he said I was being insensitive. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML
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Top comments
richy90255 8
Next time if there if is a next time
Keyganator 5
Hey, they don't call it fun sized for nothing! ; )
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Comments (234)
CursedSilent 1
Not sure how referencing a previous fml makes her look bad but the fact you know her age says you were creeping on her profile. Doesn't exactly say good things about you ;), just sayin
coldashell 23
Y'all always pick on that girl. Doesn't matter what she says, she always gets shit from y'all. She commented on the damn post and y'all should leave it at that. Y'all don't need to reply to her. Seems y'all just want to argue.
starman02 12
IMO shaved is the way to go .. Or at least trimmed.. If not it's like a jungle :-/ haha!
seth_harris 0
They have surgery for that kind of thing...(;
NoisyNykkii 10
Ik how you feel Kayla. I say one thing, and everyone comments on my age. I DIDN'T SEE THE DAMNED AGE LABEL ON JOKES!
Ilovemaddy2011 3
Bud, I'm sorry to hear this... But honestly if she can't take your penis size seriously I'd dump her. Later on in the relationship sex becomes a very important factor. Just sayin.
Calyx_fml 22
If your **** is too small for her ****** then use your forearm.
DMarie217 0
Tell her she can go find her a different f•ck buddy if it's that big of a deal... Just a suggestion :P
j_cat187 20
Don't use axe on your dick.
alzeer 5
Your look is kind of freaky. How did you do that to yourself?