Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML
Today, while having fun between the sheets with my boyfriend, his allergies got the best of him and his nose started running. Every time he kissed me he'd drip snot onto my face. When I complained, he said I was being insensitive. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML
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Top comments
richy90255 8
Next time if there if is a next time
Keyganator 5
Hey, they don't call it fun sized for nothing! ; )
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Comments (234)
petraphotoDOTca 6
shhh! she's going to become a plastic surgeon...who fixes teeth...but on animals only. Thank god for college!
kei1108 13
Don't let her make you feel insecure. You're perfect just the way you are... She kinda sounds like a jerk you shouldn't be with, anyway... Sorry, OP!
MEM0817 18
If its because you have a small pee-wee just tell her that even a Boeing 747 looks small in the grand canyon. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Just kidding, don't say that. It's a great come back line though. :]
good0444 1
Yea I hear some people are allergic to tic tacs
hondaguy4life 4
That's fuked up
thecovert 7
Needle d?
wittygirl 8
Alzer... It's paintshop program of some kind on a pc... -face palms-
muFilter 19
I used to be a total dipshit until I joined FMyLife and spent half my time harassing itskaylabitch. Now I'm like so totally cool... I know I'm late to the support party, but I wanted to show some anyway. Personally, I think you're pretty awesome just for the fact that you are strong enough to not let the constant attacks discourage you from posting.
Sexy_Smurf 16
Your GF is a bitch. Doesnt matter what size OP is or isnt... if she loved him, she wouldnt have reacted like that.... Get rid OP and find someone that loves you for you! xx
auzz1_pride 9
178) well that's what man has so thoroughly dug up from the darkest pit of hell, now critics can rip on people with next to no consequences no matter how these people can impact someone so emotionally that they can go into a deep depression state or even become an emo.