Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML
Today, while having fun between the sheets with my boyfriend, his allergies got the best of him and his nose started running. Every time he kissed me he'd drip snot onto my face. When I complained, he said I was being insensitive. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML
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Top comments
richy90255 8
Next time if there if is a next time
Keyganator 5
Hey, they don't call it fun sized for nothing! ; )
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Comments (234)
mgkgambino 3
It cool, I did that too when my gf took off her shirt :P
hhhwat 0
Patty cakes? That u?
Rasetsu 10
Penises are funny no matter what. Whether I'm 18 or 98, I will always be too immature to not giggle when I hear the word "penis." Sorry.
on_the_flip_side 0
AGREED. XD
Dnigz13 4
Wow your gf is pretty shallow
mosquito19 14
don't feel bad, size do mattet, no one likes giant ******
bethanyjk 0
Are u 6?
cetlawizard 15
Wash your junk & tell her "it gets bigger with use!"
mollydarling 0
71 she must not be. but seriously youre 14 you should stop it makes you look bad (just saying)
klorehore 24
you better start working on your hand and oral techniques, sounds like you're gonna need it. Atleast you can please your girl then, if your penis just doesn't cut it. ;)
harof1c 0
That is one ****** up girlfriend you have.if she loves you she wouldn't have laughed at you.
Jac_d_ipper 10
Prolly u were not getting enough intimate with her... and it was ur first time hey. next occasion get her aroused until there's no looking back, no matter what.
Allahu_Akbar 1
Some people think being completely bald of pubes is childish. Personally I prefer short and trimmed, looks more manly. :)