Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML
Today, while having fun between the sheets with my boyfriend, his allergies got the best of him and his nose started running. Every time he kissed me he'd drip snot onto my face. When I complained, he said I was being insensitive. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML
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Top comments
richy90255 8
Next time if there if is a next time
Keyganator 5
Hey, they don't call it fun sized for nothing! ; )
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Comments (234)
richy90255 8
Next time if there if is a next time
eb0ny 15
And if there is one, do the same thing to her ******.
thiscrazything 1
Maybe you should "wait" until you find a better girlfriend. She does not sound like she is worthy of you.
TheWindowLicker 13
Hard to judge that, 26. Considering that we know nothing about the OP.
ChronicBluntz420 7
It may be an inch, but its an angry inch >;D
tjv3 10
She don't want no short short man
shannonreneee 11
45, so you're saying OP deserves to have a girlfriend who laughs at his goods? Personally I don't think anyone deserves that.
XxDevilxXGt 26
Maybe he needs to do a little maintenance and patch it up. Download and apply patch 2.0, that should fix your problems.
TheWindowLicker 13
Oh yea, that's exactly what I said. Its not like I said its too vague to judge the situation. You don't know OP, nor do I. For all we know they could be the worst person in the world, or maybe the nicest. The point is WE DON'T KNOW. And so you know "we don't know if they deserve it" =/= "they deserve it". Don't jump to conclusions. (this being directed at 74). Either way I'm sure it will be down voted. Just getting in the last punch here.
italian_cows 4
She was probably used to circumcised penises... And yours was uncircumcised dick
Idonebeenhad 17
At least she didn't get one of those spontaneous headaches
Monkeybuttcream 4
OP- FYI sex dolls don't get allergies and they do what they're told! Tell her she has just been replaced.
CadillacPimpen 6
Just inform her that your a grower not a shower.
LookOnBrightSide 12
*you're
babe7260 30
You're right!!! They don't!!!!
GawdamitNappa 4
171- Are all of your comments meant to target the gramatical errors of others, even though the intent of their comments can be understood by most of the non-retarded community on this site?
emilyjgraham 34
184, people don't correct grammar so that dimwits can read it, it's to correct those who can't write a simple sentence without using the correct punctuation/spelling!
xCrazyMexican 4
Stop laughing and starting Sucking bitch!!!! I'm a virgin
Grammar_Nazi01 5
DTMFB. End of story.
nitemastr15 17
Grammar Natzi! We ain't gotta use no fancy grammar! Your just jealous that we can speak any ways we wants!
nitemastr15 17
Sorry, my last comment was for 171.
aimeesea75 16
Can't tell if trolling.. Or just very stupid..
nahbean13 3
141 - Don't buy that one: headaches shouldn't be a valid excuse, since sex is a natural antihistamine. :P
MiniNyn 5
...ouch.
effedml 5
Yeah...that was cold, OP. Sorry.
MichellinMan 20
wait until she sleeps, then pee all over her. not very clever, but that's what I'd do.
DrDilllonReese 12
^forever*
DespairFaction 11
Hopefully she sleeps with her mouth open.
melikesfml 11
Awwwwwe 28, dissed by a 13 year old. Owned
melikesfml 11
And congratulations 13 year old. This is the first ever comment I've seen of yours that isn't thumbs down! But them again, scroll a few threads down...
kikidi 6
# kindly **** off with the YOLO crap
MiniNyn 5
Wow kayla. Way to make yourself look immature. Grats!
melikesfml 11
Wow. Just complimented you on your rare commenting success... And then you ruin it. Enjoy your negative thumbs
Keyganator 5
Hey, they don't call it fun sized for nothing! ; )
MiniNyn 5
That's the spirit!! haha
newmandotcom 6
They don't even call it fun sized....
PlasticSand 6
My fun-sized bag of butterfingers disagrees with you!
brenkite 5
Maybe it's TOO big
I_heart_sex 1
...allergic to small weiners?
efemel94 7
Peanuts
zachherbert 10
Tell her you are allergic to her Bullshit.
n3rdzgotskillz 29
Time to stop ignoring those spam emails and see if the penis enlargement pills actually work. I joke! Sorry though, some girls are just bitches.
sharpshooter22ma 0
Could you define what you mean by some? Lol jk
DespairFaction 11
Maybe it's crooked?
ProhibitionRose 14
Captain Hook needs love too
jtsyanks 2
75 Win
Dustin_Pedobear 9
88, I misunderstood what you were saying and the mental image of a penis with a 90 degree angle somewhere along the shaft is now burned into my mind.
ShadowCzar 5
How do i message you :(
tookie12345 7
Heavy
jackassiddy 8
Is what his penis is not.
whostolemylama 12
Can you blame her? She probably wad shy about it and looked for any excuse to get away from it. Always Next time, Hopefully..
xxskarcrowkidxx 4
She's supposed to swallow it not snort it bud
Warchamp7 3
Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggot
bethanyjk 0
Not even funny loser
SloppyFlamingo 4
That didn't make sense at all... (At least to me.)
Somerandomkidz 0
Pretty sure it was pretty funny.... Troll
sleet7 4
You look like you got left out in the sun and you aren't funny.
yoyoforpeace 14
Honestly i am sorry because that sucks more than her.
alycion 39
Apparently part of the problem is she isn't sucking.
yoyoforpeace 14
Yes that is why it sucks MORE than her?
lavantant 3
^this
SkoomaKi 28
You should be proud of a small dick! The lengths not there, but it's thick. Well I hope for your sake it is.. Or you have a noodle-dick?
may651 14
Size doesn't matter as long as you know how to use it.
jackassiddy 8
^Not the size of the boat; its the motion of the ocean eh? Well it takes a long time to get to China in a row boat. ;)
munecaas 2
Size does matter..
afunnyterdcody 5
It's the girth that gets them, bitches in hung like a coke can
mhopper 13
Actually size doesn't matter. If a guy has a large penis but only lasts for a minute, it's a total waste. If a guy is decent sized, lasts for 20+ minutes and makes it interesting, it clearly makes for better sex than minute man.
angeljewlz 7
It's true! As long as the guy has the right moves he could be 10X better than a guy who is hung and vice versa of course (;
mcluvinjackson 0
Yeah but if the guy is bigger AND lasts however many minutes and makes it interesting then he wins every time..
lavantant 3
201 must feel like he's finally part of something
lexiale 10
Hey #134 u forgot to add your face to the picture...whoops