Today, I found out that I was moving to Germany. I'm going to be put back a year in school because of the system change. I also don't speak a word of German. Why? Because my mother wants to brag about this experience to her friends. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML
Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML
Today, I excitedly told my family that, after years of studying and dedication, I've been awarded a full scholarship to Germany. My mom's reaction was to start sobbing about me becoming a "heathen" and my dad and brother started telling Nazi jokes. FML
Today, my daughter told me she is pregnant. The father is the foreign exchange student who just moved back to Germany. FML
Today, my mom booked a family trip to Sweden. This would be great, if she hadn't asked me to tell our former German exchange student that we were coming to visit her in Germany. She was thrilled. Now I have to be the one to let her down. FML
Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML
Today, I came home to visit my family after a year at college. Expecting to impress them, I proudly informed them that I now speak fluent Swedish. Imagine my surprise when my mother said, "That's a useless language" and everyone agreed. FML
Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML
Today, my mom scolded me for ruining my sister's "vacation" here. She just got deported from abroad, and was only gone for 2 months after falling for a marriage scam. Now she deludes to herself that she was born and raised there, and claims not to understand our mother tongue, calling it third world primate language. FML
Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML
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Top comments
kameryn25 3
that's not so bad at least Germans drink like crazy and you can drive as fast as you want in some parts of the country. sounds like any teenagers dream.
Iamnotmyself 17
You know what, this is not ok, you should scare her with a bunny, get garden gnomes to conspire against her, and throw away any childhood awards. Then sue.
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Comments (170)
Ldesu 0
Think of it this way: the climate will be warmer and more mild compared to where you live right now and you can travel to a nice sunny beach much easier in summer.
njalexs 1
actually no I lived in Germany for four years it's not very warm and the nearest sunny beaches are on the coast Germany is a big country dumbass.
Ldesu 0
Yeah, I mean, it's not like Russia is colder and further from good beaches than Germany or anything.
eatmyshortssss1 8
I'll take "Not Okay" for $200, Alex.
BIEBERSLAYER 10
Did she throw away all your trophies away because they looked the same too?
superangryandy 2
Older fml reference hahaha
sweet_candy_ 17
Rosetta Stone?
Awahso 25
Ahh nicht gut :/
doctor_awesome 8
essen Scheiße. there. now you know how to say "eat shit" (or something like that) you'll do just fine.
IndiRae 9
"Hi welcome to our country, it's wonderful to have a newcomer!" "Uhh, eat shit?"
doctor_awesome 8
I see no problem. that's a great conversation.
VeganVampyre 27
Or, try "Guten tag, wie geht es ihnen?" (Good day, how are you?) =)
coltsrock37 15
See how smashed you can get and tell your mom she has something new to brag about
missalice0306 19
Hallo!
crazyredbug 0
We had a German exchange student my Junior year. You could Drink at 15. Just become a raging alcoholic, that'll teach her :-p
shaniquaaa 8
Its not really all that great. I moved here a year ago and I hate it here. I got put back a year too. -.-
ngarcia333 0
What do you mean it's not great? You get to freeze your ass off in July. In winter you freeze your ass off too and it'll be dark by 6 pm. And we've all heard about Germany's famous parties(not ( well, except Love Parade) )
VeganVampyre 27
Are you kidding?! I freaking love Germany!
matrixslayer 0
Germany woot da big schwiz
shaniquaaa 8
Yeah I did too at first.
angel_kiss88 0
Um do you know anything about Germany? The sun doesn't set until 10 pm.
shaniquaaa 8
in the summer it sets around 8 or 9 pm and in the winter it sets at 6 or 7 pm