Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and I went to pee at 2 a.m., with the light off to avoid waking my husband. The wanker had left the seat up, so I fell right into the bowl and got stuck with my cheeks in the water because my belly wouldn’t let me get up. My useless sleeping husband couldn’t hear me yell for help. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML
Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truck stop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud that I wet myself. FML
Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML
Today, at 2 in the morning, my water broke. I called my mom and woke her up to come watch our older kid, while my husband and I went to the hospital. After being tested at the hospital, I was told I had just peed myself. FML
Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, because I am pregnant with a weak bladder, I woke up with morning sickness and had to decide very quickly whether I wanted to vomit or pee in the toilet. I now have to clean the chunks off the wall. FML
Today, while 9 months pregnant, I was sleeping soundly for once, cuddling with my cat, having a nice dream… until I woke up choking on acid reflux, peed the bed, peed on the carpet and all over myself trying to get to the bathroom. This is not the first time this has happened. At least I didn't puke this time. FML
Today, I thought my water had broken. I'd actually just peed myself when the baby moved. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
If he's likely to forget again just put the light on anyway. Or buy a flashlight.
juuuliaaa_fml 28
Buy a toilet light so it's not too bright, but you can still see!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (6)
BurnInDemonFire 39
If he's likely to forget again just put the light on anyway. Or buy a flashlight.
Lost Reggie 22
We men will always forget, thus we *always* check first to make sure. Solid game plan for everyone.
Hangryko 32
@Lost Reggie - Men should *always* sit down to pee, thus the toilet seat is always down so we women won't fall in. Solid game plan for everyone.
juuuliaaa_fml 28
Buy a toilet light so it's not too bright, but you can still see!
FluffythePink 23
🫂 That must have been horrible with all the hormones too. It's bad enough on a normal night. Ask Amazon for motion activated lights. The loo lights are cool but don't help seeing the practical things. I've got some rechargeable stick on ones in warm white. Dim enough not to wake you up, bright enough to see what you need to. I can't help with the soddish hubby but I'm sure you'll find a satisfactory payback. The hormones made you put salt in his coffee or baby kicking made you wee on his leg...
L0life29 6
the fact that you called him useless because of the situation is pretty shitty. I hope you have a boy because another you doesn’t sound good for him
Brightside86 31
Ha, I thought people getting stuck in the toilet was an urban legend. Seriously though just let him know that flushing without putting the lid down puts that stuff in the air. The lid is there for a reason.