Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, I treated my boyfriend to an expensive dinner using the last of my paycheck. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom a few minutes in. I came back to find my plate empty. His excuse was, "I didn't want the food to get cold." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML
Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML
Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML
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Top comments
amart402 0
so break up with him. duh.
dreamer13 0
Ass Alert
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Comments (274)
bleucaw 0
JOEY DOESNT SHARE FOOD
VoGuE221 5
I wouldn't have bought it for him. I would've said screw you go buy yourself a damn hamburger lol
AliceC_fml 3
Just go bite his man meat and then let him complain about taking too big a bite. the bastardly pig.
fr600270 2
Mabye YOU should dump HIM.
lautturi 2
I side with the people who said YDI. While your boyfriend overreacted, I can see his frustration. From the FML, we don't know if it's a common thing in your relationship but even so, it's disgusting to 'steal food' without asking. Especially when it's taking a bite directly from it as opposed to using a fork. I don't want to share your saliva, thanks.
no_luck83 0
so you don't kiss?
LadyDraigen 3
Wow 95. Wonder what happens when the topic of oral sex comes up... and #108, in order for the prostate to be directly stimulated, you do indeed have go up his ass to do so. As for the OP, I'd make him some super magic shroom brownies and spike them with chocolate exlax. Let him trip to that shit. I don't think you'd have to worry about him sharing...
lautturi 2
I'm vegetarian and have a fair few allergies, thus why I can't abide people biting into my food. If you're taking a bit with a fork, fair enough, but biting directly into something I'm eating is likely to piss me off. Especially when I don't know what you've eaten. =p Kisses are different, but seriously, if I want to swap saliva, I'll kiss... rather than have it mixed in with my food. Ew.
is300k 0
no...you....didn't omg
msbrewski 2
YDI for not dumping him for saying that.
PsychoMerk 0
i'd throw a fit too! don't touch my food!
HXCxSceneKidx 0
Get a skinny boyfriend
sublime93 0
"hardcore scene kid" LMFAO
bleucaw 0
sublime LMFAO
Fedor_is_KING 0
ROTFFNAR
alyssaisthebest 0
"hardcore jerk". I'm scene .....
DeservedIt 0
It IS her fault, retard, for staying with that guy.
aback 5
Just dump his ass. You don't need someone with those kinds of issues.
Loosicles 0
Try not to have a stupid asshole of a boyfriend.