Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML
Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
Today, I steeled my nerve, gritted my teeth, pulled my finger out, and asked our new coworker on a date. He looked at me weird, then said those four words, “But I’m not gay.” Five weeks we’ve worked together and all that time he thought I was a man. I’m a woman, born a woman, with a vagina. FML
Today, I was at the doctor's office and the doctor asked me, "Have you been having any intimate relations?" and the first thing that I blurted out was, "You mean with other people?" FML
Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML
Today, I had my first interview in over a year. I panicked and passed out. FML
Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I blanked the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "Medicine man." FML
Today, I went to get my blood drawn for the first time. After I explained to the nurse how nervous I was, she replied, "Oh honey, don't worry! This is my first time too!" FML
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
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Top comments
newburton13 26
Well...considering the sex stories on this website, you are someone's dream.
zingline89 18
Yeah I accidentally blurted out the same thing once on a date. Except I was an accountant at the time so the mistake wasn't as easily explainable...
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Comments (104)
newburton13 26
Well...considering the sex stories on this website, you are someone's dream.
billyz77 24
But lately they've all been a bit too scatological for me.
jbsington 8
Someone's... wet dream?
lambda_fml 40
So OP is basically a Pussy Vet?
HowieDoIt 21
Let me tell you gyno woman wants to hear that kind of talk!
Blacksabbath211 9
Butt most women like a guy with a gyno-mite sense of humor. Just bad lucky, my friend.
Blacksabbath211 9
*But *bad luck
crazytwinsmom 25
I thought the 'butt' was an intentional pun.
trivel64 16
I guess it was punintentional.
Me1977 8
I think you might need to see a different gynecologist...
AH1Zviper 15
Some women love that stuff. Did you get lucky?
iAlissa 34
Because this is an FML, I don't think he got anything more than a weird look.
puzzle05 9
Tell me which woman actually likes going to the Gynecologist and getting probed by those duck clamps...
AH1Zviper 15
Let me reword my comment. " Some women love that stuff. Some don't. Most don't. They don't." Better?
emeraldisle 30
I don't think you should be telling that kind of joke on a first date.
jojimugo 20
Or the Second or third of you're lucky
TheElBurrrito 21
What gave that away, #4?
Schiffy 18
I'm sure that one ended in a good laugh..... assuming she didn't slap you and walk out.
BunchieRules 31
I would assume the latter, since this is an FML.
zingline89 18
Yeah I accidentally blurted out the same thing once on a date. Except I was an accountant at the time so the mistake wasn't as easily explainable...
Enslaved 38
Could have said, "I'm not a gynecologist but I'll still take a look! :P
perdix 31
#6, ratting them out to the IRS? That kind of fingering?
zingline89 18
No that would be ******* them.
sugarbear0727 19
That sucks. Just explain that you were nervous. It happens.
BadApple88 29
A sense of humor goes a long way
perdix 31
I'm sure your patients will be thrilled to know how you perceive your job. They pay you to get fingered when they can easily get that for nothing, plus get dinner and a movie out of the deal.
lilhellian 27
Only difference is, who has the choice to finger the blue waflle.
perdix 31
#12, that's why they get paid the big bucks. It sounds like a dream job until you realize that very few of your patients are going to come in shaved and waxed like a **** star. Not to mentioned the diseased hoo-hahs!
RedPillSucks 33
damn it prefix, you weren't supposed to mention that!!
TheRandomIndian 17
Prefix
Enslaved 38
Hey, most women I know shave before the gynecologist visit. Plus when she changes out of her street wear, she'll hide her undies under her clothing. God forbid the doctor know what type of panties she wears! (:
lilhellian 27
Don't worry 36 the doc won't tell everyone about your hello kitty pan.. I mean look a pie!
RedPillSucks 33
Prefix??? I blame autocorrect and my inattentiveness. Sorry Perdix
Enslaved 38
"She's my cherry pie Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise" **Stay focused, Doctor!
glittercookies 12
Hah! I hide my undies under my clothes during the appointment.
little_one 20
The look on the gyno's face when they see my metal is hilarious I once had a doctor nudge it and say "Soooo when did you get that?!?" I have a VCH you can choose to google it but I won't promise the pictures are pretty...
BellaBelle_fml 23
97; If even you don't find the pictures pretty then why did you get one?
fksfsdhfsdfh 26
Thats not very professional...
happle 21
I don't think dates are meant to be professional.
perdix 31
Well, there are people who date professionally: ******.