Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, I treated my boyfriend to an expensive dinner using the last of my paycheck. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom a few minutes in. I came back to find my plate empty. His excuse was, "I didn't want the food to get cold." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML
Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML
Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML
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Top comments
amart402 0
so break up with him. duh.
dreamer13 0
Ass Alert
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Comments (274)
OswaldvdS 0
YDI. Just break up with him on the spot, since he is such an a$$hole.
jonny2x4 0
Never, EVER, touch a guy's food. That's asking for trouble. Maybe threatening to dump her is a bit extreme, but no guy likes a moocher, no matter how hot she is.
xHabsfanx 0
Who are you dating? because I was thinking Ronald Mcdonald...
yourkiddingright_fml 0
Get rid of the slimeball now!
NorfolkDude 2
You know in relationships you draw boundaries. Like for example, this guy doesn't like his burger eaten by someone even close to him. The man loved his burger. You now know the line drawn. However, equally you could have drawn an even bigger line. Now he thinks he has absolute control over you and what sort of things you can do with him. You should have smashed that burger in his face, and told him to eff off, then left. Then there, two lines would have been drawn. You know he doesn't like his burger touched, and he knows not to be a little ***** about it next time. Then when you make hot sweaty make-up the two could draw a compromise. Now, he's going to think he got you by the balls (*ahem* figuratively speaking) . My suggestion is to ask him out on a date. Then go to McD drive through and order a double quarter pounder with cheese. Then be like, "Oh darling, I love you so." Then he'd be like, "Aww, thanks." Then just as you reach over to hand him his burger, smash it in his face, and pour soda over his head, then be like, "Next time you be a little **** remember, you're going to miss these." And squeeze your boobs and drive back home by yourself leaving him there. Then bam! The lines drawn again.
ziggyeye 0
ydi
Giorgio272 2
Sounds like your dating a real douchebag. Dump his ass for sure. then I guess smear hamburgers over his car.
deathartisan 0
"boys and their food.". I don't eat much. and not. I'm not anorexic. I don't eat much just like I hardly ever sleep. @op. try getting a more considerate boyfriend. and well ask before you take the food. tho. I could care less if my gf took my food.... wait. I'm single. oh well
DeathShad0 1
It sound more like he was kidding. It also sounds like you terribly exaggerated the "fit" he threw. I don't know of anyone who would freak out like that over a hamburger.
5upernova 3
... Why are you still with him?