Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML
Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML
Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
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Top comments
bteundeadmidget 5
Sharing is caring op?
xCrazyWhiteGirlx 0
Burgar Bombing, the new fad
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Comments (204)
bteundeadmidget 5
Sharing is caring op?
snuffle 3
Lol should have shared a kick with his balls ;)
enonymous 9
Worst ninja ever. Smelly, let the target see him and left DNA
Exeggcute 5
Omnomnomnomnom
zombiegold 23
Was it an Egg McMuffin?
ThisIsMyReign 4
I would have been madder then a one legged waitress working at IHOP.
SuperKnuckels 6
when is an egg mcmuffin classified as a burger? derp.
Jakesterk96 8
Damn, the burger biter strikes again....
bteundeadmidget 5
Where is the burger biter I want to meet him
ssnowywinter 0
You like Larry the Cableguy, eh 57?
Agent36263626 4
Like a boss.
Manganimegrl 16
I would do that without being drunk. That and saying "These are not the droids you are looking for" when a cop pulls me and my friends over.
louiseth 9
Kwl^
downtime 13
138, You would **** over someone you don't know for the hell of it without even being drunk? That's not something I'd be proud of if I were you. You're pretty much a walking mistake. I'd be suprised if your parents haven't had doubts about whether abortion really was such a bad idea...
NikkiFlysKites 8
Holy shit, 154. Calm down! When did taking a bite of a stranger's burger become ******* them over? It might taste wonderful, but I'm sure they could manage to move on with their life.
downtime 13
...Well if we are going to be pedantic, since when did ******* someone over mean they'll never move on with their life? Ruining someones meal is ******* them over. I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't think you need to beat someone within an inch of their life to be ******* them over. But that's me. If someone feels comfortable ruining experiences for others who they don't know for their own ***** and giggles then you can safely assume this is trending behaviour that will repeat in other circumstances. Therefore, the individual is guaranteed to be a fuckwad. Sorry to break it to you.
thatssomeBS 9
I've gotta bring back an oldy when I say... PWNED!
Manganimegrl 16
154/186- Wow, someone doesn't know the meaning of fun and sheer silliness. I would eat someone's hamburger any day, especially a really tasty-looking one. Don't go crazy because you saw a weird comment. I'm a very weird and quirky person, thank you very much.
corytheg 6
That was a good burger
EatnBeef 7
Welcome to good burger home of the good burger.
So2011 4
You should tell the owner of the liquor store to never sell anything to that drunk guy anymore.
ManlyDunsparce 3
OP has some tasty meat, and he wanted some of that. Way to go op! That could also be a tax write off for feeding the poor(possibly)!
TayonaC 10
15. The point of a liquor store is to get liquor. And It's pretty likely that you'll get drunk drinking liquor.lol And he won't stop selling, it's his job.
AnonymousTroll 2
Hamburgers: the cornerstone to any nutritious breakfast!
LoLKiiD 0
I love Pulp Fiction references. Lol.
WordSmyth 2
He probably made this face when he ate it.
imepelepticsir 5
had to have had bacon forthat to happen.
KelBelAndNats 7
Eww. I just hope you didn't continue eating the burger :-/
Roevera 14
Meh! Just eat around his bite. Can't waste that shit!
TexasMud 8
21 is right... You can't just waste food like that, didn't your parents ever tell you?
KelBelAndNats 7
I was taught not to waste food, however my parents also taught me not to eat food strangers had touched with their bare hands/eaten.
twisted_tails 0
I'm with #3 on this one that is jut gross I say get a new one XD if you can't then I would just eat something else XD I mean you got fries to right ? O-o
KelBelAndNats 7
46, I actually worked for McDonalds for a few years when I was in high school. KFC too. So I do know what goes on behind the scenes there. There's a reason I don't eat fast food and the amount of people that don't wash their hands and then touch the food is that reason. Although someone touching a burger bun is a lot different to taking a bite out of it.
KelBelAndNats 7
Also in Australia it's regulation that they have to wear gloves - not so sure about in the US, but we try to enforce that here.
NickyK 25
FearShrine, I applaud you. *clap clap*
KelBelAndNats 7
You seriously put way too much thought into that. I am not an idiot - I am well aware people have to touch food. I choose to wash fruit & vegetables I buy from the supermarket; I choose to be sanitary in my eating habits. Clearly you are taking what I said too literally. Obviously there are limitations to how much I can avoid strangers touching my food. It would be insane to think otherwise. But I certainly am not about to keep eating something a random stranger has taken a bite out of - if someone left a half eaten burger on a tray at a McDonalds, would you just pick it up and eat it? I certainly wouldn't.
BrickWalls 2
If I was a human/cannibal/unicorn thing than yes, I would.
Roevera 14
Did they really? That exact lecture? Is strangers touching your food with their bare hands/ lips a common occurance in your town? what if they wear gloves?
KelBelAndNats 7
I'm not sure if you're aware of this 80, but people are disgusting. A lot of people don't wash their hands regularly. A lot of people are not sanitary. It's not that it is a bigger issue where I live than anywhere else in the world, it's just my parents tried to avoid my siblings and I taking food from strangers, or sharing with strangers. Plus I have a sister with a suppressed immune system - being sanitary, especially with food, is kind of a necessity.
twilightluvr101 4
Fearshine... Actually ur wrong he dosnt have to die he can jus start a garden! It saves u money, its better for u and it looks pretty:-)!
louiseth 9
But the seeds have been handled by people? Dilemma! D:
downtime 13
FearShrine, it was obvious they were talking about MINIMISING the number of people touching the food, you know what they meant. I certainly also hope you can distinguish a difference between someone packing a burger to someone putting it in their mouth. Most importantly, someone who shows an obvious disregard for sanitary behaviour.
1poohbear5 7
Also the guy was drunk. How do you not kno he had an STD/HIV or did drugs tht rotted his teeth? Maybe even both.
xleanne_aLly 23
Favourited. Haha I can picture my friend doing something like that.
iliketurdles 7
Is your friend homeless too?
xCrazyWhiteGirlx 0
Burgar Bombing, the new fad
crazychick1269 7
Hopefully not another fad like planking.....
PvtParts417 15
22- for fat people it's logging
thepyrotek 1
Should have just given him the rest if the burger...
thepyrotek 1
*of
Jaxx66 21
Hell no! Why reward him and encourage that sort of behavior?
TayonaC 10
I would have asked him if he wanted anther bite then thrown it on the ground in his face.
desireev 18
10- No! It is NOT 'of'!! They were correct! It is, in fact, 'have'! I can understand little spelling mistakes and other grammar mistakes.. But this one just urks my nerves. It is 'should have...'. NOT 'should of'!
desireev 18
I noticed that you incorrectly corrected yourself. You were right the first time. You should 'have' left it the way you posted it.
iliketurdles 7
63, that would guarantee you the company of Satan in the afterlife.
Nutty4Muffs 3
He was correcting the "if," 70. derp
Furrywhiplash 14
Desireev- I believe 10 is correcting 'rest if' with 'rest of'.
Furrywhiplash 14
.... And now I look like the slow person who took too long to comment *sigh*. At least I was nicer about it..
thepyrotek 1
I was correcting myself on if
silentbutfunny 0
Rest of* the burger... Sheesh
lindee325 1
^^^ he's replacing of for if
Dadz_fml 0
Should've just thrown the rest of the burger at him.
geod69 8
Yummy
DocBastard 40
Unless it was The Flash on a bender, you should have been able to prevent that from happening. You're either a three-toed sloth or you're an idiot.
arw31089 2
I believe op had a wtf is this really happening right now!?!? Reaction.
TheDrifter 24
I'm feeling optimistic today, so I will go with the possibility that this was not the night's first liquor run and op might have been more wasted than the guy eating her burger.
monkiki62 5
What's wrong with sloths? They are cute. ;)
downtime 13
9, That's not true at all. If they were sitting down for example it would be very easy to lean over them and bite while they weren't paying attention or looking the other way. Besides, whether or not they could have prevented it from happening means little to nothing when you consider it shouldn't have been done in the first place. Not everyone will respond the same way, don't be a douche.
idl3mind 0
Big Kahuna
zingline89 18
I'd be happy that those are the buns he chose to bite.