Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. This is the seventh time in a row that she hasn't moved or made any noises the entire way through. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were making out, and about to have sex, when she asked me to "do that thing we did yesterday". We haven't had sex in 6 days. FML
Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML
Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
Today my girlfriend actually moved during sex. I love her, but she's so awful in bed. FML
Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML
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Top comments
kg163401 0
I dub thee corpse ******
yazah 0
Try deflating her and then blowing her back up. :)
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Comments (404)
CasualZombie 6
awkward.
futtbuck101 1
Maybe she's dead...
sexysterlingarch 1
ummm...
fightin4fun 0
that sucks! are you that bad, or is she just that loose?
llCHR15ll 0
your lucky, wait until she reaches for the remote control and turns the TV on. it's then that you know for sure your bad.
Kn0wledge123 21
Time for some KY.
MizzErikaHart 8
time for an affair
enonymous 9
Either that or let her have a go at you with a strap on. guaranteed for her to move. good times had by all
mfmylifesrsly 30
lol 12 my friend Morghan is as they say "a dead horse" she won't move or do anything to a guy during sex. she says it's cause she was "muslce problems" but she makes it up. I'd still **** her though...she's so hot..
shannonreneee 11
I am genuinely concerned as to how a woman can lay there and just take it? The fun of it is getting amongst it, team work, it's not a one sided job!
Btgalownia 0
try some erotic things, and look for that infamous g spot.
yazah 0
Try deflating her and then blowing her back up. :)
eyez_lay_low1921 0
short stoke?
eyez_lay_low1921 0
stroke**
PurpleRae420 0
Atre you sure she isn't dead? Maybe you killed her because you suck so bad
Tool_PanterA 0
and boom goes the dynamite.
falluke17 0
tosh.o reference ftw!
you_freak 7
Flat fish syndrome
Anai08 17
I agree with 19, how do you not then stop and have a conversation with your partner about how you each feel about your joint sex lives. Obviously OP you feel unhappy with her lack of participation. instead of just going at it anyway, why don't you try and work with your girlfriend about what she wants so you BOTH enjoy sex. Communication is essential for all facets of a relationship.
marshmellowboobs 0
That is freaking hilarious!
angelpies 0
She is probably unattracted to you and can't keep herself interested or turned on.
JenL_fml 7
Time to lay the spices on the bed.
KiddNYC1O 22
Damn, Haley. I love your sincerity.
FuniiBunii 0
maybe she is lesbian?
Audi21 2
69 You're cute shush.
my2centsworth 15
This is officially my favorite comment of all time. (There was a ceremony and everything.)
my2centsworth 15
The favorite comment award was intended for number 75-yazah. I touched the little reply arrow, but sometimes this app has a mind of it's own.
Drigr 9
time to be the guy that starts masturbating instead. then we can see her fml in a month.
skaterpaige 3
**..maybe she "sucks" so bad...lmfao.
planckit 6
starfish!!!
ChickenDoggiesWh 0
she's probably like " if I ignore him he will go away" x)
KleenexWaffle 3
have you tried NOT putting roofies in her drinks before you give them to her?
james1992 0
LOL
Ihatethesenames 0
:)
gigglezbabii22 2
75's comment was my favorite. I couldn't stop laughing lmao. 192's was my second favorite :D. Op, you definitely should've questioned her the second time if not the very first time. You shouldn't have let it go this far.
stoopkid911 0
hahaha maybe ur dick is just really small nd she cnt feel it!!
rmbaker1993 0
win!!^
Malahkaa 19
Stick it in her ass, guaranteed to move or say something then!!!
kg163401 0
I dub thee corpse ******
DarkHelmet 10
LMFAO Epic Win!!!!
felipe87 2
or he could just wake her up next time
AlwaySunny 0
Well, is she a blow up doll? Cause they usually don't say much back..
ILoveTabz 0
unless... you MAKE them talk... but then that'd just be weird...
kg163401 0
lmao. "please just say something"
NuniaB 1
Mebbe he has a wee dinker and she doesn't realize that they ARE having sex. What a considerate lover; and to think it only took him 7 times to figure it out!
JacksonCampbell 9
Kinda like necrophilia, ain't it.
MileyCyrusIsHot 5
lol yup
DaslovesTrack 2
woow that's cute
kg163401 0
"Baby, could you blink so I know you're still with me?"
Slipknot666Maggo 0
...me gusta.
SantasRedSack 0
Thats called necrophilia dude.
MaxH42 2
Only if he likes it.
NomOnShroomz 14
Or chloroform, you sick bastard.
jordanp17 3
it's not weird if it's still warm
schaflava 0
If you cum, you've won!
IceyJustin 1
^Win
RedPillSucks 33
Did you cum?
22cute 17
It's called Time To TALK to the woman. Find out what's up, geez. Stop doing the same damn thing and expecting different results.
nmitche95 0
you killed her you jerk!!
amadais 1
no, he is so good she doesnta have to do anything
sexysterlingarch 1
hahaha lol ^^
H3ALTHFR3AK 0
or she just didn't have time to move during his 6 seconds of pleasure
dav3800 7
Or he just sucks... Zing?
armorf0r 7
he killed her 7 times?
AlEX928 0
Maybe she's hinting that you suck :(
hellogoodbye1996 6
no shit Sherlock
hellogoodbye1996 6
If it was a real problem then it would be worded diff and usually when someone does that it's cause the guy sucks..you should know from personal experience
AlEX928 0
No shit Sherlock? Because you're 14 years old and you know for sure. Damn!
castano10 0
sound like a candy ass
WallyTheWombat 0
Maybe OP is just boring in the sack? Even the FML is boringly(lol) worded. OP needs to talk to her and ask what the problem is.
noahvs67 0
I didn't realize being 14 years old ment something bad
Gloritank 8
14 and 364 days to be exact.
Shadow_Phantom 26
Or maybe the girl in question just feels like saying anything would be awkward, and doesn't know how to interact during it.
cocobulla1 4
lmao! no really!!!! can't help but state the obvious eh?
eaglesfootball 1
lol 64 is speaking from experience
howie321 0
I love how people fight on FML...
hellogoodbye1996 6
well sure you can only call me 14 for two more days then I'll be 15 sweetie
Fett 0
maybe she needs to take the **** out of her mouth and stop hinting by TALKING THROUGH HER NOISE HOLE
salvorican 24
Yeah ur not gonna magically turn mature cuz ur gonna be 15 in a few days. Just saying
hellogoodbye1996 6
just saying age has nothing to do with hun. let's actually talk about the fml. I know you guys have to bash other people instead of keeping it about the fml but it's okay I forgive you.
hellogoodbye1996 6
I think my move he means she didn't tilt her head back or squirm in pleasure and by noise he means moan or scream..
raider27 7
Maybe tell her you want to switch it up and try a different position? Get her more involved. Sex takes two people
qwert1994 0
Takes two heads, not two people.
AZUMIKKEL 3
I sure hope you don't mean two dickheads
yougotapes 7
two heads? but yea get her involved sex can be fun
snickerz01 0
does your hand count as a people?
Alex94xela 0
stick a random finger or 2 in her ass if she doesnt make a noise after that then she's a wierdo o.o
kingtz 6
She'll probably like that!
SeasonedLemur 5
Two in the pink and one in the stink, that's called the shocker! you can do it in the bathroom or do it in your car or do it in the ally right behind the bar! Two in the pink and one in the stink, give her the shocker!
gunner83 1
haha yes
imcutefml 0
totally agree
Psychotic_EGG 0
awesomeness.
mima77 0
what is wrong with you?
kseizzle 0
She doesn't like your moves in bed, my friend. I suggest you talk to her about it and ask her to be honest and tell you what she likes and wants. She doesn't want to fake it anymore but is too timid to tell you why. Try different things. Watch how she reacts.
msbosslady 0
Or, you sit her down and ask, " What do you like? What do you want me to do?" If you make it clear you want to satisfy her and want her to enjoy it as much as you do, chances are she will open up and tell you. Just talk to your gf.
Dezteny 5
Smart man :)
JustinThunder 8
Try something new?
ColorfulDonut 7
well maybe u need to change something? or u simply just suck