Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML
Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML
Today, my son was so hungover at his wedding that he fell asleep standing at the altar and fell over onto his pregnant wife, knocking her backwards onto the floor. What should have been a happy occasion turned into a farce as we rushed her to hospital to check the baby was OK. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
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Top comments
perstephane 4
*Long distance support* What a jerk move! Hang in there!
justsayfuck 5
Oh wow.. that is terrible. I don't see how he can save himself from this one, bonding issues?
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Comments (401)
underguarded 20
he's so gonna regret that when he finds out he missed the birth
cali_swagg408 0
bwahahaha he's my hero, keeping it MOB just saying
AlexWolfx 0
So you want him to drive while intoxicated? All you women are so selfish. It just you making a baby come out, he's been around for the past nine months, no mans wants to see that.
happyvallygrl 0
Why would he have to drive? He would use whatever method he was going to use to leave the bar at the end of the night to get to the hospital wouldn't he? Also no BOY wants to see a baby born, but men do!
WalterKovacs 1
You sort of deserved it. By marrying a man that drinks, in the first place, and one who is capable of saying such a thing to you in the most stressful point of your life. He's a bad husband and will be a bad father. What sort of example such a person is to a child?
idio_fml 0
fake
imright24 0
He's an asshole, but I'm sure he's always been an asshole. That didn't stop you from dating him, marrying him, or having kids with him. YDI.
reddwarf_fml 0
wow. ur in for a great life..... run!!!!! it won't get any better only worse
kennyredd23 0
LMAO. dam that's hilarious. LOL
dyldo 0
LEGEND
gggfrt 0
That's not what "Bros before hoes" means. this sacred rule means that if your bro and your chick need a task done is equal importance you help your bro first. FYL for having an asshole who can't comprehend this.