Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her." The conversation ended with me getting hung up on, because I "don't have a heart." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, my boyfriend, of a year, got drunk and called me flat chested then said the reason he won't have sex with me anymore is because he is "used" to me. He said all of this in front of his friends. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, my boyfriend video-called me in the middle of the night, drunk after a night out of partying. He told me that he was chatted up by a girl and proudly exclaimed that he told her off, given his status, all the while showing large hickeys on his neck. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend from two years ago called and asked to come over. Still being in love with him, I agreed to see him but decided I wasn't drunk enough to handle the stress. After a while of drinking, he said that he really missed me and wanted to be with me. My reply consisted of throwing up. FML
Today, my drunk boyfriend called me by my best friend's name in bed. FML
Today, at around 1 am, my boyfriend drunk-dialed and broke up with me. He didn't seem to remember he had already broken up with me yesterday. Thanks for reminding me. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML
Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML
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Top comments
cassiecassie559 21
I hope you don't have a boyfriend either, anymore.
purebliss_fml 19
tell him he can have sex with "gross fat chicks" any time he likes because he ain't having sex with you anymore.
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Comments (135)
KimchiKim 9
Drunk words are sober thoughts...
AlwaysWatching 27
At least he's nice when he's drunk
alicat13 12
dump him.
Queen_of_Night 20
Go out to a bar and call you boyfriend and ask permission to sleep with this guy you met because his girlfriend broke up with him and you feel sorry for him. When he says no, say "Awesome, you can sleep with all the 'gross fat' chicks you want now."
Mae_Mae_101 14
At least he asked. You gotta give him credit for that xD
TyTheTiger 4
and poof hes single...
Nish007 15
if he aint joking, he a douch
xX_Munchie_Xx 8
at least he was considerate enough to ask permission to cheat on you ¯_(ツ)_/¯
junglemouse 5
Am I the only one who finds this hilarious?!?!
sarabear94 4
Drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts. At least the truth came out. Maybe try more sex next time, and he won't feel the need to cheat.
slyde32 12
so it's op's fault? how do you know op doesn't put out?
sarabear94 4
#100 I never said it's ops fault; but I did say maybe more of something. Maybe they're just not a good couple !