Today, I can tell that my cat comes from a household were there was not much cleaning being done: The vacuum is a monster to be fled from, while the mop and the lint brush, as well as any cleaning rag, are brazen intruders to be vanquished. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML
Today, my husband thought it was the best idea ever to clean the cat's litter box with the brand new vacuum cleaner instead of tipping it into a bin bag. My house now fills with the smell of warm cat piss every time I hoover. FML
Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML
Today, my husband and I cleaned our house. We swept, mopped, vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed. We moved the furniture and got in the cracks. We were extremely thorough. At 9 p.m., our cat had diarrhea and he got it all over himself. He didn't know what to do, so he ran through the house, spraying poop everywhere. FML
Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML
Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML
Today, I spent an hour cleaning up cat hair from every surface in my house, only for my cat to immediately jump up on the counter and shed her fur all over again. I guess I'll just admit defeat. FML
Today, I finally broke down and paid someone to clean my condo. Sometime after she finished, my cat threw up. Then my roomba went off, smearing regurgitated mackerel all over the freshly washed floors. There goes $150. FML
Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML
Today, I opened my blinds to see the front yard littered with trash. My neighbor's cat ripped our trash bags open and smeared them all over the lawn. Since it was my turn to take out the trash this week, my family decided I would be the one cleaning up too. FML
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Top comments
ColdChoas 4
1) Well written and funny 2) If its not just humorous, understand 2 things- cat vocalization and hissing involve certain sensitivities that are triggered by the vacuum. Cats also hate sneezing. Its almost like you roar to them. Additionally, your cat is displaying signs it is comfortable with you, and trying to find ways to play. It is watching what you do, and trying to get involved. It may be dangerous or annoying at times. Discourage it where you must, but remember that your cat is curious and wants to experience life with you. Nearly everything in its life... all that it knows, will be determined by you.
SirEnigM0nk 22
Pretty much all cats see the vacuum as a monster from which to flee.
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Comments (5)
ColdChoas 4
1) Well written and funny 2) If its not just humorous, understand 2 things- cat vocalization and hissing involve certain sensitivities that are triggered by the vacuum. Cats also hate sneezing. Its almost like you roar to them. Additionally, your cat is displaying signs it is comfortable with you, and trying to find ways to play. It is watching what you do, and trying to get involved. It may be dangerous or annoying at times. Discourage it where you must, but remember that your cat is curious and wants to experience life with you. Nearly everything in its life... all that it knows, will be determined by you.
SirEnigM0nk 22
Pretty much all cats see the vacuum as a monster from which to flee.
kevinwm0 15
Or in other words, "a cat".
idragosani 17
No, that's just a cat being a cat