Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it’s almost half past midnight. I received a drunken voicemail from my husband saying that he won’t be coming home tonight because he’s too drunk to drive, but don’t worry, he’s staying at "Cindy’s house", safe and sound. Who's Cindy? FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML
Today, I found out that my husband lied a few nights ago and was actually drinking with another woman at her house until after midnight. This woman is his best friend’s ex-fiancée, and she's been hitting on my husband for as long as I can remember. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
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Top comments
afdude87 6
hmm people make typos?
three3_fml 2
Your wife is getting ******,
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Comments (259)
cganon 0
just realised you're French. FYL
Titus_Emperor 0
Yeah right he deserved it for being a ******* frog. Wish him dead
Titus_Emperor 0
Hahahahahahahah they moderated your ******* comment ! Poor you, victim of the ******* moderation of this ******* site. Wish them all dead
Sirin_fml 47
Hahahaha, yes, **** the Fre-- OH, WAIT. Tell you what, I give you a vacation from the site so you can get around the world and become civilised. You are welcome.
Titus_Emperor 0
Just shut the **** up
LiznessMonster 9
Darnit, I wish we could thumbs up mod comments. Anyways, that was awesome Sirin!
Acousticpixie14 6
I know, seems like every time they comment I want to give it a thumbs up. [:
Quasar55_fml 18
I recently asked a mod if they would introduce voteable mod posts someday, and he told me that they wouldn't :-( so don't be too hopeful about this
ALQ_fml 13
Where is the ability to "thumbs up" a mod post when you need it?! D: Because sometimes you guys are just ******* hilarious.
KrazieKleo 13
Uh oh something is going on...what you gonna do??!
Titus_Emperor 0
Uh oh we gonna kill you KrazieKleo
abunton08 0
she's prolly drunk too n she prolly is sleeping with him good luck with that one just call her
FYLDeep 26
I wouldn't necessarily be against letting someone I was in a relationship with spend time with someone of the opposite gender, but it would be pretty shitty not to know ahead of time. That's when it seems like maybe you're cheating.
Acousticpixie14 6
But if they tell you upfront that that's where they'll be, doesn't that make it seem like maybe they're not? Someone who'd honest and upfront like that probably isn't going to cheat...just saying.
FYLDeep 26
I don't really understand what your reply is supposed to mean.
Acousticpixie14 6
Yeah, I just re-read that and it made more sense in my head. I'm sorry. You said you'd like some warning, because otherwise it does seem like they would be cheating. Well, what if she told her husband as soon as the decision was made? Sure, it wasn't very far ahead of time, but at least she told him. I would think that if you were going to cheat, you wouldn't straight up tell your spouse that you were staying with someone of the opposite sex, regardless of how far in advance you told them. Did I make sense that time?
phildalegend 5
"don't bother calling me cheater"
mommyhearts2boys 0
he maybe gay so nothing to worry about
Gunz24 0
she got the same hole gay dudes poke too. if he's gay or not don't matter.
redundancy 0
are you serious, 80?!
youaremyworld 0
not cool!
abasio 1
Call her and ask if her friend is okay. She might just have made a typo and won't appreciate your mistrust but if she won't answer or is really evasive when you call her, she is likely getting ****** or about to be.
jessicaaababy 8
you're cute! :)
Doortje 30
Even if she was staying at a guy's place, do you really think that if she wanted to cheat on you she'd tell you where she was? I think you're making a bigger deal out of this than it is.
macskapingvin 0
Don't be silly! If a woman spends more than five seconds alone with a man, she will sleep with him! Everyone knows that!
Doortje 30
Oh yeah, I forgot about that, thanks pingvin! Ignore my previous comment OP, divorce your wife right away!