Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML
Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML
Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
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Top comments
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
"Perform intercourse on me in a mildly rough manner..."
jdm_powered 6
Like a sir.
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Comments (107)
gloria89108 1
Awkward !!!!!!
bugmenotmofo 34
For some people swearing is a big turnoff, he might be one of them.
panda_lou 11
That from my experience is really odd. However if he doesn't use that language outside of the bedroom he probably won't enjoy hearing it especially from a lady in the bedroom. I know guys that like you to be a prim ladylike in the daytime but at night they like you wild. Others are more consistent in thinking ladies should act like ladies even when bent over the dinner table. At least you are experimenting and trying to keep it interesting. Kudos to you for that.
gadgetmaster 10
Seems like he likes it prim, proper, and boring. Fyl
EmporiaSonera 5
what is it with woman going all fml due to a 3 sec pause during sex?
jacie00 4
Should have said "penetrate me".
panda_lou 11
Never a good enough reason to use the word penetrate. Lol
simoncat 11
Well, in reality he did just that. He ****** you. You were ******. In this instance though, turn the tables. Tell him a great big **** YOU. And walk.
ConnyTheUnicorn 8
What. A. Wimpy. Well.. uhm. Dictionary says bitch. Seriously, getting that upset about the word '****' is a little stupid, even he does not like this type of language. I mean, it was not in school or in front of your Grandmother, so swearing a little is more than normal for most people. *rolleyes*
spikekutter 9
hes stupid!! i wouldnt have sex with a guy like that he might have stds or not even have a condom..
Thejackel79 9
How the hell does him not liking the word **** equal him not having a condom or having a std. Think about these things before you comment.
thejust666 6
If a girl tells you to **** her you **** her and you **** her hard!!