Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML
Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I finally had sex. The entire time he kept begging me to fart, especially on him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
You know they sell ball gags and butt plugs in matched sets -- that'll stop both of your boyfriend's mood-killing expulsions.
CheekyRaccoon 27
Guess that's his way of methane with you.
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Comments (13)
RichardPencil 32
You know they sell ball gags and butt plugs in matched sets -- that'll stop both of your boyfriend's mood-killing expulsions.
URBeingLied2 23
This is possibly the best comment I've ever seen you make. I applaud you. Loudly. To the point of angering my fiancé, forcing her to ask what is going on. I'll be a RichardPencil and say nothing in your honor.
CheekyRaccoon 27
Guess that's his way of methane with you.
alternative-facts 6
I see what you did there :)
Cali 57
You cheeky raccoon, you...
friedpwnadge 25
10/10 pun
friedpwnadge 25
10/10 pun
freckledfox06 18
I don't know why farts are so god damn funny, but they make me giggle like a 12 year old boy. Definitely a mood killer.
jcash52426 5
Don't worry god forgives him.
sparkledoge 29
Sounds like something my boyfriend would do. And strangely, the fact he can be goofy like that at any time is something i like about him. Even if some times it's really annoying.
pelletman67 16
What can I say ?
pelletman67 16
What can I say lmao!!!!
pelletman67 16
He gave u fair warning. U deserved it
jcash52426 5
God: with gas like that your going straight to hell ????
bigred121970 10
OMG ??I'm sorry but I can just see him sitting there and the look of utter disgust on your face.