Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML
Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML
Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
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Top comments
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
"Perform intercourse on me in a mildly rough manner..."
jdm_powered 6
Like a sir.
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Comments (107)
Iamrebecca 2
Lol omg
Donovan_757 8
What he just did was a real mood killer
kole92hart 5
What a pussy
barronterrier 3
Dump his ass! A real man would have ****** you hard!!!
HighlandShadows 48
So because he doesn't like to hear the f-bomb this has somehow negated his man card?
brand2017 9
Dont argue with Mrs. Weasly dude, she'll **** yer shit. O.o
rapido_fml 2
Dump him. Now
PincessBoff 6
You're ignorant as ****. Just, no.. Just stop..
Lioness8197 18
^ agreed. Just because he doesn't like dirty talk doesn't mean she should dump him.
01sparkly 15
Watch your language!
gaarraa11 3
Wow what a female dog he is! Lol lame ass nigga. Is he a bible lover?
perdix 31
Some people don't like associating the "dirty words" with the sex acts and body parts. I like ****, but hate the word.
flavasava73 5
Perhaps you suffer from logomisia? The same condition that makes people cringe when they hear the word 'moist'. Strangely enough, 'panties' is another word that creates word aversion in people. So combining them must be pure hell for those people... In reference to your comment, I like the noun and the object it signifies. However recognising others may not I won't repeat it though applaud you for doing so.
Enslaved 38
Proof that not all guys like a lady in the streets and freak in the bed.
nycwrestler 17
I don't think saying **** me qualifies her as a freak in the bed
nycwrestler 17
"Let's mate".