Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML
Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML
Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
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Top comments
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
"Perform intercourse on me in a mildly rough manner..."
jdm_powered 6
Like a sir.
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Comments (107)
jdm_powered 6
Like a sir.
silvercamaro 22
You get it, ops' boyfriend gets it, 279 other people get it, what's OPs problem???
PinkKawaiiChic 10
From the sixties!
eruditecognition 10
comment removed by owner
docscientist 10
This is hardly sir status.
ScaughtieHolden 11
Are you really trying to cover up a bad comment? You didn't even punctuate.
ActionFearo 39
What a gentleman
chatwithstar 7
Well at least he has a nice vocabulary.
sens3sfailing 25
yes, but after this his sex life may be more vapid.
trevishere 7
144 - You mean fappin'?
Maverick52 13
155- #144 is referring to a past fml regarding the word vapid.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
"Perform intercourse on me in a mildly rough manner..."
bobbington9298 10
"I appear to be reaching my climax. If you do not mind, I will now begin to accelerate my body motions so that I may achieve optimum pleasure. I would highly appreciate if you moan my name in ecstasy, so as to further excite me."
bobbington9298 10
Translation: Moan my name bitch, I'm coming!
jdm_powered 6
almost, almost, almost, almost and there we go. ah good show.
rocketiquette 20
Tally ho!
saIty 17
DINKLEBERG!
ICastillo 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
"Please insert thy penis inward my ****** and thrust with ferocity, until I reach climax"
I_lost_the_game 25
And this is how the English are perceived when having sex.
ItFreakingHurts 1
Oh god your comment 54 made me cry tears from laughing hahahaha
boarderlyne17 8
132 -- As opposed to crying... what, butter?
tacojauns 45
I thought it was going to be like "sex me"
Epsilonyx 15
This was the best comment thread ever. Thanks guys hahaha
brand2017 9
"You and me baby aint nuthin but mammals so lets do it like they do on the discovery channel" :D
anthony99 14
Oh my God, I'm arriving!
Lkitteh 5
your profile picture just made this comment much more amusing to me idk
thefmlman2011 37
#116 that reminds me of a steel panther song where axel tips the maid a $100 bill to clean the wet patch of the bed.
shaniahthecurlyl 6
True gentleman ;)
alfred07 18
Doesn't seem like a good thing in this case
Futacy 30
Yeah, it sounds like she's having sex with her dad.
ncsteven10101010 11
Wow 98 that escalated quickly!
Futacy 30
Let me explain my warped logic. The "dad" part comes from how he doesn't like her bad language.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Oh. Thanks for clearing that bit up for us.
TML329 14
He needs to get you orbit mints
sens3sfailing 25
little kid: f... orbits lady: abulous!
sens3sfailing 25
little kid: f... orbits lady: abulous!
sens3sfailing 25
gaaah double post -.- DAMN YOU SPOTTY COVERAGE! *waves fist in the air*
Obey_StudBoii 23
Gentleman much??
Lioness8197 18
Nothing wrong with being a gentleman.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Did I ever say there was, jerk? NO
dathan 14
Excuse me sir, but you seem to be the jerk here. Touché. Mwhahhuhahh.
Lioness8197 18
I never meant that in a rude way so don't be rude with me, dick.
verkaderk 9
Woof
Lioness8197 18
115- who are you referring to. I'm slightly confused.
CharresBarkrey 16
79 - Usually the "____ much?" Comments are intended to be negative and sarcastic.
Lioness8197 18
122- thank you for proving that point.
Lioness8197 18
I noticed what you meant before you explained it. Thanks though.
schalk 12
A true gentleman would oblige..
Obey_StudBoii 23
#114 Now now Mr. Grinch
Lioness8197 18
Mr. Grinch? Last time I checked I'm not green, fuzzy, or male.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Lmfao why am I arguing with a child? You have alot to learn. Respect your elders instead of treating them like crap.
cmayer 20
You don't get respect unless you earn it, and you have definitely not earned it. I will not let someone treat me like you're treating these other commenters just because they are older than me.
emilyjgraham 34
My God, I hate it when people use that so loosely. "Respect your elders." Pfft, I agree with the above poster, earn it! You were unnecessarily rude for someone simply pointing something out. Also it's rude to look down on someone because of their age. If I'm completely honest I assumed Lioness was the older one as she didn't resort to calling her stupid, irrelevant names such as "Mr Grinch"! So no, just because you're older does NOT mean someone has to respect you.
Lioness8197 18
192- thank you so much. And in a way I do agree with obey_ studboii. I do have a lot to learn. I'm only 15! But I do know to respect my elders. But I'm not going to respect a bitch who calls me childish names. You're only arguing with me because you don't want to face the fact that you lost this argument to a 15 year old. And it's like 192 said, I'm the one that's clearly more mature than you.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Guys it's Christmas. Have a good one.
Lioness8197 18
That's the most intelligent comment you've made so far.
MsConfusedd 27
well ****, that was ******* harsh! What the **** is his ******* problem, what a ******* idiot! **** your life!
SaltukBugraHan 8
I don't like that type of language...
Obey_StudBoii 23
How many times can you drop the "F Bomb" in a sentence? 6
buck33 14
9 - Actually there were three sentences, there were two "f-bombs" in the first sentence, three in the second, and one in the third.
NeonPopRocks 14
Im gonna try for ten! **** him, cuz he is a ****** who ******* hates ******* dirty ******* language, but you ******* shouldn't have ******* told him to **** you, so **** you and **** your life! Awww yeah!
ryry013 6
Honestly you could keep going.
buck33 14
Woah bro, calm down.
TellMeWhatsDeath 14
29- No.. just no.
Obey_StudBoii 23
#22 You might want to look again. "F-ing" counts as "F---k". I know I'm right :-)
kingsian 15
#29 **** yeah bitch lol I meant no disrespect #29
Jdog619 11
Hypothetically, you could have a ******* infinite amount of "f-bombs" in a ******* sentence; this is because there is no ******* limit to the amount of ******* semi-colons you can use to join multiple independent clauses; it can go on for ******* ever.
antmanzero 8
Or you could have a sentence that consists almost entirely of the f bomb... **** the ******* *******.
kevsandy303 12
This thread reminds me of that scene from Planes Trains and Automobiles
Arrawyn 12
33- a haiku, but instead 5,7,5 it's 1,2,1
ropeandneck 7
like a ******* boss. now give it a try for 15 ! show me what you got !
ropeandneck 7
^ @ 29. sorry, not used yet on how to reply correctly
aerogxt 7
Hey! Watch your ******* mouth! There's ******* ladies around here you ****-sucking bitch-ass motherfucking douche! Btw, I ******* see what the **** you did there, ******. ;)
chicag0skyline 4
Grammar nazi.
onorexveritas 24
what a gentleman.
PotatoesAndCake 26
What an over-used comment
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Disregard prudishness, acquire currency?
ICastillo 25
For that filthy mouth I guess he is going to put something else in there, instead of a bar of soap.