Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML
Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML
Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
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Top comments
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
"Perform intercourse on me in a mildly rough manner..."
jdm_powered 6
Like a sir.
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Comments (107)
183933 6
You can say it to me anytime!
AlexRen 21
This has official became my favorite Fml.
viagradoesntwork 7
I agree with him... Swearing is bad for the buttsack
brand2017 9
I dont believe in "bad words" honestly. Who has the right to say i a word is good or bad? Who the hell decided upon it? Who was the bastard who ruined a bunch of words for us by being politically correct? That dude is a fuckhobbit.
BananerzFresh 12
He likes good clean fun. Nothing wrong with that.
dan_in_wi 12
what a ****
cmb8280 24
Don't date a guy who tries to dictate how you speak. It only gets worse from here.
panda_lou 11
It has nothing to do with dictating how she speaks. She was trying something new in the bedroom not having a full blown conversation. I know a lot of men that do not like dirty talk or only like it when they speak it but don't want to hear it, and I know even more women that dislike it. If it were reversed and the guy had used dirty talk and she didn't like it we'd all be on him for not respecting her boundaries/being inconsiderate. If its a turn off for him to hear a woman talk like that then she shouldn't talk like that during sex. If it genuinely turns her on to speak/hear it then they will have to come to a compromise. I don't see how that is a deal breaker for a relationship.
iwadasn 33
Wouldn't you know your boyfriend well enough to know how he feels about swearing?
diva239 8
What a loser!
barefootchic 6
I really don't think there's anything wrong with that. There's plenty of things you can say that are sensual and romantic, not dirty.