Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
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Top comments
brookiesawr 11
why would you break up with someone just cause you watch ****? that's ****** stupid.
jackwilliams 9
Sum ****: "oh baby add, add, add oh god you took the sum of those numbers so good noone does it like you"
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Comments (43)
connorgrant98 24
At least your boyfriend admitted it, but still definently break up with him.
Andoria 16
I wouldn't go that far, at least talk to the guy first before making that kind of decision. Hell, he might have been joking.
brookiesawr 11
why would you break up with someone just cause you watch ****? that's ****** stupid.
JuliaaNoelle 26
Way to jump straight to the gun.. Lol that's a little harsh
connorgrant98 24
Yea you guys are right. I should really think about my comments before I post them lol.
quickit 24
Please tell me this is your terrible attempt at sarcasm.
connorgrant98 24
Yea pretty much
incoherentrmblr 22
Ok Steve Urkel...
eyebrowzzz 21
lol what's funny is he apologized and everyone still voted him down
Fall3nAngel 23
Tough crowd.
MrFluff 9
You suck! Ya jackass!
adam97_fml 25
I'm not sure that's how that saying goes #6
derpMajor 2
Guess he was multi tasking
BillMurray_fml 12
OP your username is hilarious and fits with the mental image of Australians that the Internet has given me.
rabid_otaku 29
What OP refers to as "**** flaps" are actually called labia.
lurker_no_more 13
http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140820213305/sailormoon/images/e/e0/You_don't_say-.jpg
garrett_8614 14
You need to work on your dirty texting game.
mudkipsan 19
Doesn't get any dirtier than Urkel
rbubbles 20
Why do people jump straight to "break up with him"? There's no need. How do we know she doesn't do it either while he's not around?
Durantye 8
Anyone that breaks up with someone over **** is ****** up. Unless that **** itself is 'special' in certain ways.
connorgrant98 24
I wasn't thinking at all when I posted that comment
jackwilliams 9
Sum ****: "oh baby add, add, add oh god you took the sum of those numbers so good noone does it like you"
cricketsins 36
I was trying to turn my boyfriend on**
MrSassypants 34
Sum ****? "Oh yeah. Add that 2 to that 3. Oh she's a dirty 5 isn't she? Aww **** yeah."
Plastic_Stitchez 25
:/ shitty
ifoundwaldo123 12
Well doesn't he sound like a dream