Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after agreeing to hang out with my husband and his alcoholic mother after his father’s suicide, my mother-in-law found out that my sister-in-law and I playfully insult each other. She lost her mind and practically bit my head off, relapsed, and blamed my “disrespecting her daughter” on said relapse. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML
Today, I received a very expensive bottle of wine for Christmas. My alcoholic mother snuck into my house while I was out and drank the whole bottle. FML
Today, I found out that my mom isn't coming to see me for Christmas. Instead she'll be spending it in jail for a DUI and battery. Thank you to my cocklick of an aunt for taking a recovering alcoholic to a bar and pressuring her into relapse. FML
Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML
Today, I went to my step-sister's for family dinner. Her husband was really drunk and openly hit on me in front of most of my family. I nonchalantly ignored his advances. Later, my step-mom said it would not have happened if I didn't dress like a skank. FML
Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
snapplecap281 19
That's great parenting... Not
TML329 14
That would still make your mom look bad,your children are a reflection of yourself after all
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (71)
snapplecap281 19
That's great parenting... Not
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
That joke is totally new and not overused.... Not.
ygdrassil 17
It's barely a joke at all.
pradip 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That joke Borat me.
verkaderk 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You're totally hilarious..... Said no one ever
YacL 15
"Not"!? You totally had me there. I thought it was REALLY great parenting. Good thing you put "not" or I would have believed you.
camillewhite1 12
...this.
ThePsyche 9
Monster-in-law *
iiAntheA17 7
I see what you did there ;)
mduffy08 8
What did he do where?
MrPlopper 9
We referenced a chick-flick
txgirl2013 14
Monster For a Mother actually.
bjobabygirl 12
Wow that's just like all kinds of wrong
silvercamaro 22
Sure, but how could OP not taste it?
I_lost_the_game 25
By the time OP tasted it, it could be too late.
sens3sfailing 25
there are also drugs made to be undetected in a drink. im just guessing but aren't roofies tasteless in a drink?
unicornpower56 7
My comments suck.
themarshal_fml 6
No shit, Sherlock. Did you have Watson help you out on that one, or did you figure it all by yourself?
TellMeWhatsDeath 14
Sherlock wouldn't need Watson anyways.. Sherlock is Sherlock.
Anubis_81 21
At least you know this, and that's half the battle.
TML329 14
That would still make your mom look bad,your children are a reflection of yourself after all
pedosmurf 7
In my opinion not really
TxCountryBeauty 10
Really? So when you see a 5/6 year old kid screaming in the grocery store because they want a toy you don't blame the parents? That's entirely the parents fault for not raising the kid right... So if a kid (teen, young adult, whatever) got drunk at a formal party it's a direct connection to the way they were raised
beehardxcore 26
and someone with the name "pedosmurf" would be an expert on children! they study them...
Stardew 19
How can you say children are a reflection of their parents? My mom raised my sisters and me the same way and all three of us are different people. I bought my first house at 23, one sister is in debt up to her eyeballs and she's only 21. The third is almost 19 with no job or license, still lives at home and refuses to go into stores by herself. Same upbringing, different people. I don't see how it is a reflection.
TxCountryBeauty 10
You have a great point, but all it come to is a reflection... Each of you are your own people and will do with your life how you please but a portion of your circumstances is how you reflected on your upbringing. My grandma has 8 kids all brought up the same... Each of which have their own completely different mistakes, attributes and lives. They all blame it on their childhood and each of them is correct even though they lead their lives differently. It's just a matte of the person and what they subject themselves to.
MsConfusedd 27
ahhh family
Jonny_Blaze0017 26
what the hell...
kobelstone23 13
I was going to thumb you down until unread your profile picture...
pradip 26
That's when you blurt out her dirty secrets.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I thought alcohol made people look better? ;) Should have put it in the mother-in-law's drink and you'd both look great...
ICastillo 25
Dude, what the ****? Your mom is messed up.