Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML
Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML
Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
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Top comments
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
"Perform intercourse on me in a mildly rough manner..."
jdm_powered 6
Like a sir.
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Comments (107)
a_merced 1
What a lame
SweetLuna 10
What guy doesn't get turned on when a chick says that?!
grannygruber 6
So what did he want to hear?? "Please my God of love, fill my body with your hot, hard passion!". Or maybe.... "Please Master, **** your slave's sweltering cave of love!". Maybe you said it wrong, you were too weak with it and he wanted you to slap his ass and DEMAND he **** you hard right now!! Just curious.
janro72 10
If you're in Canada, the following would be "correct language": Fouck me, ey
Vidimus 13
"I want you to perform coitus of the rough-kind on me."
AnimeCookie 9
When you're done don't forget your please and thank you!
TheMystery13 13
"Shit piss **** **** cocksucker ************ **** fart turd twat." Memorize that order and repeat it relentlessly in his presence until his balls drop.
coleelovesMAGIC 8
Aca-awkward!
meghaninblack 4
Of course you're from Canada.
sunnyray812 42
Ok, now THAT'S a man who likes to respect a woman! If I were you, that right there would make me fall deeper in love.