Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
Your boyfriend is kind of a dick. Kidding or not.
DirtyParkBench 0
Ahh, wow. FML. Who was he picturing before, then?
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Comments (183)
genius_man16 1
Your boyfriend is kind of a dick. Kidding or not.
crazychika 0
Agreed, he's definitely a douche. Dump the basterd for not respecting you, or considering your feelings.
littlegolferboy 4
I think dumping him would be a bit harsh, but he definitely needs something like a punch in the stomach for being such a jerk.
Anonanimal 0
sack him next time you see him
Toni818 0
Why? You can't force attraction. He's a moron for being with someone he's not attracted to, but he's not a dick.
ChrisWasHere 0
For sure. And, to the OP: He's your boyfriend. The thought of my girlfriend naked would get me horny.. You should dump him, unless he was just kidding around.
Lmao_xD 0
Hes a jerk.
bgukusa00 0
well if she is ugly then itz kind of her own fault not the bf
quantum_insanity 0
how is being ugly anyone's fault??
Polionixon 2
seriously wut? being ugly is her fault? hahahahahahahahaahahahA GENETICS BITCH!
Saromo 0
I second that.
drzhottie148 0
I would have been like" It's over you son of a *****."
aidsgiver247 0
i would have been like ' YOUR MUMS A ******* SLUTBAG, YOU ARE HER SON. YOU SON OF A ******* SLUTBAG.FYM.**** your ******* mum.'
RachelTheLoser 0
agree with 95 and 33 (:
DirtyParkBench 0
Ahh, wow. FML. Who was he picturing before, then?
cherry_blossom 0
for real!
Yoshi8466 0
Thats a good question!
thepatty8474 10
Her sister...? Or her mom...? Or her dad.... O.o
riax 9
Yes, bcoz in op's eyes, his dad has more sex appeal than his gf
riax 9
I wish there was a delete comment button on fml....
NotRussian 16
Obviously Scarlet Johansen cause in reality, who isn't?
honda1 0
What a dick head!
L0veh8te 0
lOL, Wife is smart.
lawlfyl 0
Wow......that sucks. Lmao.
JessTrek 0
Oh no! Hahahahaha. Hopefully he was kidding...but for some reason I don't think he was. Sucks to be you.
mrlucky4444 0
LOL FYL
tay7 0
your boyfriend seems like a jerk.. id dump him.
JackieT 0
ydi for being ugle/fat lol j/k
RJB 0
ydi for not spelling "ugly" right. lol she may not be ugly but maybe she is alittle ugly down under.. if u know wht i mean
LightYagami_fml 0
Ouch D: