Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I tried to tease my boyfriend by pulling my skirt up, bending over, and backing up into him. He gagged and said, "Please, wash your ass." FML
Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
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Top comments
escape2music 0
try brushing your teeth?
OneandOnlyOne 0
Never ever offer to do it again. If he hints that he wants one, tell him his penis isn't clean enough for your mouth. He sounds like a REAL moron!
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Comments (85)
Paige_Nicole10 0
a sign you need to brush your damn teeth
hotpockets92 0
haha, just what i was thinking. who is he to complain. he's probably got some STD he doesnt want you to know about from ******* other girls the ungrateful bastard
Knight05 0
It could be worse your girlfriend could be black, and then it would feel like getting sucked off by a greasy piece of KFC chicken with a mouth at the end of it. God how I love the smell of baby oil.
robinsonje5 0
man f you douchebag!
hello2009 0
oh god,i would be so uncomfortable around him after that,i think thats very rude of him,i hoped you told him that lmao
blueworld_fml 0
Boyfriend has some serious problems here...I'm with the others in saying that his dick is probably too small, esp. if he's been kissing on you. Frankly, I'd dump him...maybe what he said isn't that bad, but that he would insult you while you try to do something so...nice...for him is a sign of a dumbass.
_julia 0
you should have asked him if he had any orbit :)
jam_21 0
YDI for trying to do it in a car.... eww! get a room!
9az00 0
dirty mouth? clean it up with Orbitz gum! FTW!!
bexox 0
So there's 2 ways this could go: 1. You've got some nasty periodontitis. 2. He needs to work out some of that germophobia in therapy. You're pretty much gonna get fecal matter in your mouth some how from daily life, so why even worry? That's what them 'munities is foar!
giganticbrain 0
HA! HAHA! Oh Christ, this made me laugh. **** you.