Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I tried to tease my boyfriend by pulling my skirt up, bending over, and backing up into him. He gagged and said, "Please, wash your ass." FML
Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
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Top comments
escape2music 0
try brushing your teeth?
OneandOnlyOne 0
Never ever offer to do it again. If he hints that he wants one, tell him his penis isn't clean enough for your mouth. He sounds like a REAL moron!
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Comments (85)
capital_seven 0
So...your boyfriend will let you put your "dirty" mouth on his, but not on his dick? Seems...backward.
lisalove37 0
So, I'd say that Orbit just got a new commercial idea, huh? Ahhah
ahmedd_fml 4
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahhahahahhahahhahahah this is so funny **** ! , this reminds me of south park LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Egghaus 0
Hahaha. Your boyfriend is weird. I say dump him for saying that.
Noah_h 0
no.. not possible. no straight man would reject this opportunity unless u truly do have fungus growing in your mouth which I assume u don't have
BadLuckTuck 0
YDI for doing it in the parking lot of TGI Fridays after a Jonas Brothers concert.
lovehelena 0
THANK YOU I was hoping someone would reference south park :)
spillproof 0
tell him to put peanut butter on his dick and get a dog
NatTalksTooMuch 0
why don't you tell him to wear a condom then and see how fast that asshole changes his mind...
HybriDpjt 3
cheeky bastard!!!!!! lol that sucks! evidently not but i think you get what i mean!
Rayman1110 0
Its pretty bad when your mouth is too dirty for a ****.