Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I tried to tease my boyfriend by pulling my skirt up, bending over, and backing up into him. He gagged and said, "Please, wash your ass." FML
Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
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Top comments
escape2music 0
try brushing your teeth?
OneandOnlyOne 0
Never ever offer to do it again. If he hints that he wants one, tell him his penis isn't clean enough for your mouth. He sounds like a REAL moron!
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Comments (85)
aback 5
But if it turns out he likes anal sex, punch him in the nuts.
oh_mi_shizzle 0
Heyy!! Nemo person... I'm not saying my way is the right way... And am certainly not "preaching" *rolls eyes at stupidity* but I respect your opinion an I guess you don't respect mine... So grow up and stop acting like a flipping baby and immediatly backlash for no reason. I'm just saying what I feel, and if u can't deal with that get of the site... Hope you are able to get over this anger based issue you have and can stop picking on people for their beliefs...
bexox 0
Well, you did say it was wrong to have sex before marriage. A lot of people have pre-marital sex and don't feel that it's wrong in any way.
paperfox_fml 0
#31 is a ****!
Polionixon 2
lol sorry but its realize it annoys me when people spell it with an s >.>
SimpleSimon 0
Let's not have the American English versus the rest of the world's English argument, shall we? You're in a minority, most people in the world speaking English as a first or second language use standard British spellings. I don't piss and moan when Americans spell things 'wrong'. #56, that's harsh
ChasinParkedCars 0
Haha #31 stop commenting, you're just making yourself look more like a fool with every comment you post.
wbrycem 0
Tell him you were just kidding, his dick isn't big enough.
vote4llama05 0
ydi for having a dirty mouth
Phil_Courtney 0
Dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbit Gum. Hahahahahaha, that should so be a commercial :P
SailorSlytherin 0
Damn. You beat me to it. xD
zander09 0
Listerine your mouth right before blowing him. The burn will teach him a lesson and you can plead ignorance. Also, any cinnamon flavored toothpaste will do the same thing, though the burn won't be as intense. It will last longer though. Have fun! -brought to you by non-whining men, appreciative of BJs
fearinabottle 0
lol... now thats how to teach him! ive never given one but im sure my bf would give his left nut just for me to do it once.
ASDF1234asdf 0
Dirty mouth?! Clean it up with Orbit!
ASDF1234asdf 0
damn, 37 got it before me.
weloveandrew123 0
HAHAHAHHHHAHAHAH, i agree with #37
LOL_YDI_FYL 0
YDI FOR BEING A WOMAN.
KumoFF7 3